tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19033567585661356382024-03-04T23:45:53.222-08:00The things that fall out of my headAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-21439147736030773632016-10-05T14:54:00.001-07:002016-10-05T14:54:32.077-07:00THE GEEKS BEHIND THE CURTAIN: SENSHI-CON 2016<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "courier new";">I sit at a long conference table in a well-lit room resting my feet and my head after swimming my way through the stream of fans entering <a href="http://senshicon.org/">Senshi-Con 2016</a> Day 2. A voice rings over a powerful intercom from the events hall below me. A welcoming narrative explaining scheduled events at the day’s start. But it is not this voice that draws my attention. I instead listen to the back and forth conversations with the few volunteers that are seated at the table eating donuts, putting on makeup, and preparing their bodies for the onslaught of the day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new";">I can only guess at their exact ages, but in their tone and their vernacular, I know they are young. Throughout each conversation, I hear three words spoken over and over like a parrot repeating curse words school children have taught them when the shop owner is distracted. Unlike the bird, these volunteers know the words they speak and they put a particular power behind their use. The words die, love, and f^%& sung in a continuous chorus dancing across the table to mine ears giving a greater understand of the events taking place around me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new";">You would think the meaning of these words to be just as you would find in a dictionary, but my readers, these words mean nothing because words are wind. When the Senshi-Con volunteers speak these words, they speak them with fervor and passion the likes of which most Con-goer never sees, or even understands. These words are the notes of the song of fandom. Fandom such as this is the veins of Senshi-Con. The attendees who stand in lines waiting to get in are blood cells passing back and forth through its heart. Senshi-Con’s heart beats for two days never missing a one because the veins made up of volunteers and various staff keep oxygen flowing freely with ease.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new";">Now, dear readers, you may think I am making these simple molehills into mountains, but truly, these officials and volunteers are worth praise. Ordinary folks with love for the genre take time off work, cut hours of their days, and stay awake at night preparing the wonder of Senshi-Con. The love sets them apart from others that I have engaged with at larger conventions. These people love what they do because they are fans. The look on their faces after engaging with guests says it all. One volunteer nearly swooned with emotion due to a mere glimpse of one of the guests walking the hallways. They are not paid to make like they love what they are a part of, they are doing it because they love it. Even as their bodies strain to keep going, they stand and check badges. Hours without food or water they hurry to make sure an event start on time. They toil over the rigors of cosplay because their small role in a show could be what keeps fans returning year after year to Senshi-Con. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new";">I have ranted enough for now, so let us move on to the meat of the matter. After sitting during different points in the con, I came to know a few of these volunteers and staff. I talked with them about their work or just listened as the expunged their emotions about the event as a whole. Senshi-Con has been running each year for the last eleven years. This is am important note because some of the staff and volunteers have been returning year after year to further the growth of the convention. These folks are well known and spoken highly of because their efforts built Senshi-Con from its humble beginnings to the massive undertaking it has become. But not to exclude the new faces in old places, each volunteer or staff I interacted with glowed with the inner light of fandom. Standing at a door or peace bonding costume weapons, these patrons of fandom do all they can for those in attendance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new";">But moreover than anything else please be reminded these folks are as human as you or I. Frequently I observed volunteers and staff exclaiming of their hunger or thirst. Not that they overlooked these items, but they put the needs of the Con well above the needs of their bodies. The smiling face of a volunteer who could for a brief moment stop and eat real food was like seeing true love for the very first time. Simple needs for extraordinary people met when they could meet them. A bit of candy left on a table. A box of donuts old from the morning, but still gobbled down like manna from heaven. A cup of coffee handed in passing because they needed a reason to break out into “hello darkness my old friend.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new";">The human side of a con is looked over because of how big and loud they can be. Guests who have droves of fans waiting for hours to just stand for a photo would be nothing without the organization and efforts of Senshi Con’s staff and volunteers. Were there issues along the way? Was there a lack of bodies to fill seats or watch doors? Was there a wailing cry for death to free them from their earthly bonds? Yes, yes there was. If you asked any of the people who made Senshi-Con happen, they did it without thinking because the brain knows nothing. This is a matter of the heart, and in the heart is where true wisdom lies. The hearts of the volunteers and staff of Senshi-Con know fandom and that reader is far more important than anything else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new";">My opinion is my own, but I say all of this not because they are Zod and should be knelt before. I say this because these are real people who carry the banner of fandom into places clearing they way for others to feel at home. They are the heroes. They are warriors. They are the fabric stitched together to keep huddled masses of nerds and geeks warm. They are worthy of praise, and so I give it. I give them my thanks for allowing me a distinctive look behind the curtain. I tip my cap to the whole lot knowing full well that next year will be worth every drop of blood, sweat, and tears these folks pour into its mold. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new";">Carry on Senshi-Con staff and volunteers! Your efforts are the makings of greatness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new";">Tell me did you attend Senshi-Con 2016? Did you notice the frantic efforts of the nerds behind the curtain? What did you think overall? Could you do what they do? Does your fandom burn just as bright? Let me know in the comment section below. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-54445703529690910022016-05-18T16:10:00.000-07:002016-05-18T16:10:15.923-07:00Knowledge is Power? <div class="p1">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Knowledge is said to be power. What is this power, however? Is it the power to be able to relate to the topic of discussion? Is it the power to stand before those more ignorant than you and show them what they are missing? Is it more powerful to look into eyes filled with sorrow and say it is going to be okay because you have the knowledge of it? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Each of these questions are ones that I have asked myself in the past twenty-four hours. What I know and what I wish no one else to know are simple integers on a dial right now. What matters is how far I turn the dial to either side of the scale. I feel like this dial could contain every number imaginable, but I know that it only holds two; a zero and a question mark. I understand that a question mark is not a number, but it can be an integer in a calculation. The dial is the important part, not the numbers that are etched into it. Dial I speak of is the dial one turns after a loss of life. I had set this dial twice in my lifetime and hence the reason why my knowledge is power. I know what it means to go from zero to the question mark and back again. I know what it's like to keep the dial at zero. That is the knowledge that I have, and the power I feel is wrong to have. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">However, in the larger image of the puzzle of life each of us, that holds knowledge like this must use it to help others. Recently, my friend lost his son a week after he was born. He sent me a text to let me know his son had died in his arms. He closed his text saying that he would need to talk to me because I was the only person who could understand what he was feeling. After I had read that text, I was in a state of shock because I could both understand what he meant and see the pain he and his wife were coming into. I have experienced this same pain, and it is a piece of knowledge that no one should ever know. The loss of a child is some of the worst pain in the world. I lost both my child and my wife in the same moment. Though my pain was twofold, the understanding I have for it is a single bit of information. I will get to what the information is later, but for now know that it is important. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have done lots of healing work thanks to the facilitators and staff at <a href="http://www.whiteravencenter.org/">White Raven Center</a> in Anchorage Alaska. For close to nine years I have been going in to dig up the pain of my past so that the energy surrounding it can finally be set free. The healing is powerful, and it comes in waves. Reading the text from my friend I felt that I had a purpose and resolve in helping him and his wife. What I did not know is that several parts of me have never been given voice. These voices crying out in the dark long for the world to hear how much they have been hurting since we lost our child so many years ago. I have processed about my wife, but I guess I have never processed about my child, our child. So, as I sat at work at the end of the day I suddenly was overcome with the feeling of panic. I was standing in the hospital room watching at the doctors told me she was dead. Hearing her mother comment about both of them being dead. Understanding that what she meant. The sudden surge of rage and anger at a power that would do this to me, do this to us, do this to anyone. I lost everything right then, and I left my body for what would be a ten year period of suffering. My dial went from question mark to zero, and I pulled it off the handle resolved to leave it be. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I left work that day and could not help but start crying with the grief I held inside me. The grief of my loss and the grief for my friend’s loss. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There is a part of me that is a wolf and has always been a beast beating in my chest. At times of significant loss or pain, that wolf stands on a hill alone and howls into the wind. I howled as I drove home letting that wolf voice his grief to the world around him. That single call into the night to be remembered. That howl of a lone wolf who has lost his pack and now mourns their passing. As I drove, cried, and howled my feeling shifted. I was not howling for my child or myself; I was howling for my friends so that they would be acknowledged and remembered. Their grief is not something they will carry alone, and like this, the world needs to recognize them. I howled louder and deeper. I cried harder and let the tears flood my face. I did not hide my pain or my emotions from the world around me. I only let the wolf howl all the words that I could not say. The pain of never meeting my child. The pain of never being the father I wanted to be. Knowing that in all of the lives I have lived I have never sired children who survived. That the loss of a child is like a slap in the face of humanity. What good are we as the dominant species if we cannot care for our young. I let it all out, and I let it out without holding back. Those parts of me that long to see pups running through the woods alongside their father. Those parts of me that long to watch my son or daughter walk down the aisle. Those parts of me that long for a small voice to say, “Daddy, I love you.” Every one of those parts joined in the howl, and it shook my heart and my car. I let it all out and looked for what space I had made. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The space I cleared out is now filled with knowledge. The experience that I went through what I did with my wife and child so that I may walk others down their own paths of loss. I had no guide to show me the way back from the dark. I had no light dancing in the wind to keep pace with my steps. I loved my wife out of survival, and when she and our child lied dead on the table, I chose death. My dial went just past zero. My friends right now have their hands on that same dial, and my knowledge hopefully will be the power that gives them a reason to keep it off zero. A question mark may not seem any better than zero, but suck is the making of the lives we live. We never know what is coming. We are only here at this moment, and we can only hold space at this time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I needed to write this all out to finish the cycle of pain that I was confined by. We can only do for ourselves those things that are necessary. I needed to feel my pain and realize how much I do want to be a father. I needed to see the pain of what it meant to lose a child I never met. I needed to feel the pain for myself so that I could know it is gone. This is the power of knowledge. Not the knowing, but the understanding of its lack of control over us. My friends will learn this as well, but for now, they can only know the now. I can only give them the space them need and hopefully get the out of the dark on their own.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-78398271777498877312016-03-27T12:42:00.002-07:002016-03-27T12:42:27.785-07:00What Comes Next <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I sat, and I just looked at them as they stared down at me. I could see that they were anxious about what happened next. There were tears in their eyes. Each face was different in their sadness, but each face held a look of understanding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I was leaving, I was passing, I was dying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">They were so worried about what happened next. Everyone looks at a person who is dying and asks that question. Whether it is out of guilt or remorse or plain curiosity they, ask the question of where are they going? What will happen now? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Well, I knew exactly happened next six minutes after my passing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Simply put, what happens when we pass is no different than anything else we have already done; we go and wait in line. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Now, it is much like the DMV before the computers and online check-in. Stuffy old offices where the waiting was as endless as the line you queued into. But here there are no numbers. There is no grand sign calling you to a station. Unfortunately, there is just a vast line and people waiting. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I like regular have forgotten parts of the story, which will help with understanding. I will have to go back a bit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Let’s make some sense first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">As a people, we have gotten parts of the end right. I imagine from the beginning we have listened over and over to an endless amount of stories told around campfires. We then pass those stories to the next group around the next campfire. The words get lost or confused or changed as they are passed down the line. Each story is where we go when we die. What happens when we give up the mortal coil, and the Great Spirit takes us <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">When our bodies’ die, we go here, where ever that version of the campfire story should currently claim here is. Telling it over and over again in a myriad of languages dilutes the message, but not as far as might be expected. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">For instance, there is a boatman, and he does ferry souls across a body of water. He is neither cloaked in black or only a skeletal form. He seems to be an ancient man. He always looks tired as if he has either never slept enough or always sleeps too much. His watercraft is more like the tied log raft that Huck and Jim used to navigate the mighty Mississippi. This forlorn creation is much like expected, with enough difference to draw question. Every part of this place is a reflection of the known upon the unknown. Thus it is correct in its fallacy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Processing is where the real truth lies. A simple series of desk arranged in rows like a large classroom. Behind each desk is a clerk whose job is to answer questions and provide passage documentation. Think of it as a parent-teacher conference. These clerks explain your progress and what outcome might await you. They hand you forms and point out the important details. When you are done they shake your hand and thank you for your time and efforts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The act of placing coins on the eyes or in the mouths of the dead is one of the most important details about the death. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The underworld is a costly affair with the sheer number of new arrivals. The clerk explains plainly that they need these coins to fund each individual transport. Those without coin or currency are shown to a waiting area filled with an ever continuing slurry of people, most of which without coin. They are stuck waiting for charity or luck to pay their fair. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The Pharaoh’s of old had it right in part. You keep whatever is on your person at the time of burial. If you have jewels and gold or something of the like you are out of luck. Only current coin of the realm is allowed for payment. I suggest leaving a five-dollar bill in the pants pocket of your loved one before you close the casket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Due to this regulation most everyone is here, or moreover, everyone I would have expected to not be here still remains here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Friends who had passed recently were toward the back welcoming me with open arms. Relatives who had passed when I was a mere boy were scattered throughout. They looked at me in amazement and commented on how much I had grown. I moved forward in line shaking hands, embraced by hugs, bespeckled with cheek pinches. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Then she was there, like she had never left. Evelyn, the one true love of my life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I cried when I heard her call my name. She was still here waiting like I now was. I felt a small amount of relief overflowed with remnants of grief. My Evelyn was standing by my side again, waiting. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">After I had been told of payment, I opted to stay awhile to seek out more options. I found in my jaunts a vast ocean of history.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Individuals from different eras still awaiting their chance at eternal peace. Conversing with one another in languages too many to count. Nikola Tesla was the first famous person I recognized. He died poor and had been waiting like the rest. He put his inventiveness to work providing light and power to a once dark cavern only lighten by bits of small fires. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Alexander the Great was still fighting battles and leading armies. It was all done in mock fashion on crudely erected stages of course. His words written by Shakespeare, his actions directed by Brando. His footfalls and follies provide by the Marx brothers and a still spry Charlie Chaplin. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Evelyn and I try to take in, at least, one show a day. Watching the world we once used to breathe paraded out as farce and comedy lightens us of the despair others succumb to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Despair is a song sung around the clock for some. These lost souls tired of non-life sulk in the darker corners. They pled with the processors for some allowance. They seek the help of any newcomer who may have more coin than needed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">A girl, the age of five, is the most notable I have seen so far. Her hair bright red like fire and face white as snow reminds me of the song about poor unfortunate souls. I try to comfort her, but her lack of understanding feeds her grief. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Mommy said it would be beautiful,” she cries with hands outstretched pleading for alms. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I know my dear, my mother said the same.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I want to tell her it is a mistake, but there is no mistaking the truth of this place. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Sadness is something I am familiar with, and a concept I am reminded of daily as I sit next to Evelyn. My, our family is one of the few left that practice the act of placing coins. I know she had them when she walked into the underworld as I cupped them in her hand before she was laid to rest. There is no reason she should still be here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I asked her what had happened to her coins once. She explained a tale of a bride lost her love. A woman who had died the day she was wed in a car accident. Her husband had arrived before her and happened to have some change in the pockets of his tuxedo. The foolish boy had gone on ahead without a thought of his bride. The woman was so lost and heartbroken she could barely speak the bulk of her tale. Evelyn, being the kindest woman I have ever known, reached out her hand and gingerly gave the woman her coins. The woman, awe shocked by the action cried harder. Evelyn picked the bride up and walked her to the processing desks. She watched as the bride entered the ferry, and waved her on to her final happiness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">My wife, the hopeless romantic. My wife, a woman who won every agreement by saying, “because I love you.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">How could I ever argue with something like that? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">At this point, I no longer question the great mystery that is death. There are far too many oddities of the underworld that need no explanations. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Evelyn managed to muster up a board for checkers. I play those willing to sit and pass the time with one or both of us. Our most common opponent is a young soldier by the name of Duncan Spindle. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">He fell during the siege of Burgundy in the Great War. He still wears his uniform, which like most soldiers of his time held little room for money. Duncan is a good player and is more than willing to listen to stories of an old man who was born before he had passed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Each time he sits down to play I reach into my pocket and feel the two silver coins my sons had placed there. The two coins are heavier than all the steel in the Rockefeller age. Two coins that could unravel the mysteries of everything. Two coins that could see me on my way. Two coins that would kill me all over to spend. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">As I reach into my pocket, I can feel Evelyn’s eyes upon me. She knows I have them though I have never told her. She knows everything I have every done and will ever do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">She is my wife, and that is her job. She is superb at it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Duncan reminds me that it is my move. Without a thought, I pull the coins from my pocket and place them on the board. Duncan looks at me in wonder. His face is puzzled by my action, but more so by his understanding of it. He reaches out and picks up the coins and holds them carefully in his hand. He smiles at me. I return his with one of my own. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Your tour of duty is over my boy, time to go home,” I say with a salute. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Duncan rises and returns my salute. Tears are at the corners of his eyes. I reach out and wipe them away as if there were those of my own children. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Evelyn rushes over raining kisses on him as her final good-byes. I give him a firm handshake, which becomes a hug. We both watch him skip down the rows to the processing office. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I feel better than I have in a long time. I fell like it all makes sense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This is what came next. This is what was always to come next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-43702358165670533702016-01-25T13:31:00.000-08:002016-01-25T13:31:22.091-08:00A Process The everything sits in front of me <div>
It lingers right before me </div>
<div>
It sings and dance around me </div>
<div>
And I just want it to be gone</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Something more than trapped</div>
<div>
Something more than held </div>
<div>
Something less than hurt</div>
<div>
Something less than loved</div>
<div>
And as I end it will never be gone</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So many battles to break me </div>
<div>
So many deaths to revive me </div>
<div>
So little time to save me</div>
<div>
So little hope to give me up </div>
<div>
And it wants me, and I am already gone</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
No more pain and I give me freedom</div>
<div>
No more horror to make me smile </div>
<div>
No more fire to make me cold</div>
<div>
No more loss to fill me up </div>
<div>
And what I want never has existed </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now I am unlearning of the known</div>
<div>
Now I am free to be scared </div>
<div>
Now I am proud of my folly </div>
<div>
Now I am happy in my home </div>
<div>
And all I want is already here </div>
<div>
And all that I am is all that I am </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-73581670689668401282016-01-06T12:54:00.000-08:002016-01-06T12:54:19.199-08:00Folding Paper <div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The paper is flat, clean, and perfect. <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is early, and the phone is ringing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hello, who is this?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It’s me, she was in an accident, get here, get here quickly.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is late, and my ears are ringing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The paper folds in half once. <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Black, cold, speed pounding against my windshield. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lights, red and blue flashing behind me, blinding me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Son, you know how fast you were going?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“No, I don’t care, she is dying, she needs me, have to get there.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He walks away, he returns, he says to follow him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lights, red and blue flashing before me, guiding me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The paper folds in half again. <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I stop, I breathe, I open the door, everything is hot. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hello, please tell me where she is.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Down the hall, be quick, time is short.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Son, stop! You can’t go in. You have to wait.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“NO! You said get here, you said get here quick.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I know, she is not responding. We need to talk about it.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I stop, I breathe again, I look at her, everything goes cold. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The paper folds in half again, not as cleanly as before. <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am still, my thoughts are frozen, my eyes are dry, I want to know.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Sit down, we need to talk. She would want this.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“No, she would want me, she would want us, she would want anything else.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Son, she wouldn’t, she didn’t, and she can’t”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“But I got here, I got here for her, I got here in time.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“No son, you didn’t, you couldn’t, and you shouldn’t.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am shaking, my head hurts, I can’t see, I don’t want to know.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The paper folds in half again, forced more than allowed. <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It smells clean, everything is white, she is too quiet. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You have a few minutes, then we will commence.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hold her hand, touch her face, I am drained of everything I am. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It is time, they will both be in a batter place.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Both, what do you mean both?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“She didn’t, she was, she should have told you.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It smells like sulfur, everything goes red, the world is too loud. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The paper folds in half again, a rip spreads from the center. <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wake up, the room is dark, I am bound. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Son, you can leave now, be careful you look broken.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I only hear broken, I feel nothing, I am nothing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You did this, by not doing this, it is your fault.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I know, I understand, I am sorry.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I fall asleep, the world is dark, I bind myself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The paper folds in half for the last time.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fold it enough and paper will be thicker than then the visible universe. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
When it rips, so does everything it contains. <o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-20589744079297820462015-10-22T08:48:00.001-07:002015-10-28T08:59:29.366-07:00The Letter R <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Day 12 – Outer Rig Line Up<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">My Lovely, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Today I sought words that could explain how I feel when I see your picture. As I have mentioned before, I only have the R section of an old encyclopedia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I had a dictionary, I am sure this would be easier. I happened across the word reborn which means being birthed again as an act of cleansing or faith. Each time I wake on the rig I know I am alone. I see your picture above my bunk and my devotion to you is reborn. Your beauty washes over me, and I am clean once more. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">I close this note with a vigor reborn by love. I count the days till my hitch is up, and I can leave this place. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Always in love,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Rinn <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Day 38 – Drum Collection B<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier;">My Lovely, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Today's word is robotic. The book has a very long description of the term. For me, I know that everything I do here is robotic in nature. No creative thought. No alteration of designated tasks. Every action is so coldly mechanical in shape and form. I am not a robot, but here in this place my acts are robotic, and I hate it as much as I love you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">These letters are the only task that gives me a reason to feel human. I count my breaths as I write them. On average I take 83 breathes during the time I write to you. Every one of those breaths is filled love for you. I know it is just my imagination, but there are times I smell strawberries as I write. The red of your hair and sun on your skin must be like strawberries. I hope this does not impose too much upon you. I know, as my mind knows that a beauty like yours must smell of strawberries. I long to kiss your lips to taste of the wild growth in that endless field. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Always in love, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Rinn<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Day 42 – Chemical Collection <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">My Lovely, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Today is a rough one. Hence, that is my word for the day. I have been scrubbing the inside of the tanks. Doing this, I must wear a full HAZMAT suit. The air is stale and wet in my mask. The suit cannot be ventilated, so the heat just builds as the sweat rolls off of me. It is rough and required. If I forget to complete this task, there will be an overfill, and I will die due to seepage. I want nothing more than to remove this suit and lay with you in the open air. Feeling the wind lick at the exposed areas of skin. The light steps of your fingers upon my chest as I breathe. Your hair draped around your face hung over me like a shade. Everything fresh, clean, and free. With you I am free. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Always in love, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Rinn<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Day 101 – Sewage Pools<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">My Lovely, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">I regret to inform you that I lost my pen. It is okay though I have found an alternative. Something crawled out of the pools today. It looked like a lizard but moved like a spider. I killed it and am now using the black blood it bled as ink. I also regret a hardship you may have in reading this letter, as I had to use an old drill bit for a pen. I will keep writing as long as the blood is liquid. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Always in love, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Rinn<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Day 113 – Crew Quarters<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">I am stupid and reckless in my love for you. I did not follow company protocol for mail delivery. I now sit with every letter I have written you with no way of sending them. Maybe I could send them once I am back Earthside. Mail them out one by one every day so that you could receive them as if I had sent them from the refinery. I will be by your side as you read them so I could explain any confusion you might have. Though the point of writing these letters was to keep me sane knowing that a piece of my consciousness was with you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">I am so close to being with you. I am so close to ending my time here. I am so close to holding you in my arms feeling your heart beat with mine knowing my aloneness was nothing but the moments between those beats. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Always in love, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Rinn<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Day 120 – Earth, Living Zone 12 – Apartment 3B<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Dear Miss Gaverly, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">I am writing you this message to conclude case number X45-75. As you mentioned in your halo message, you had no prior knowledge/ engagement with employee Trusal Rinn. However, according to his final will all of his belongings were to be delivered to you upon his death. Included in this package are his last paycheck (after loss deductions), a single picture of yourself, and a collection of correspondence written by Mr. Rinn to you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">The case is now closed and or business is concluded. We will not seek loss of revenue against you as Mr., Rinn’s slacked work efficacy, and eventual death was apparently due to his obsession with you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Sincerely, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">L. K Harper, CFO Star Refinery Corporation <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Day 1 – Living Room<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Dear Rinn, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">I finished reading the last of your letters. Who were you? The picture you held so dearly was taken as an encyclopedia stock photo. No matter my questions, it now hurts when I breathe. The love you thought you had for me in that horribly empty place. The longing you held to be with me. The sorrow in each word you wrote about me. I find it too much to bear. You seemed beautiful and imaginative and caring. If only you were here beside me to answer the unknown. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">I am sorry, and I love you for it. Wherever your spirit is may it find peace in knowing I received these letters. Rest now, you are free. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Loving you after always, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Gwen<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-43609716788673451492014-11-06T00:00:00.002-08:002014-11-06T00:00:46.128-08:00Show and Escape <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Did
you bring it?” said Chuck. His face bright eyed and nervous Chuck towering over
the boy in front of him. His excitement was palpable awaiting the illicit
contraband. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Yeah
I got it, back off man!” said Alvin pushing Chuck away. “Did you bring yours?
Did you bring what you were supposed to? Because if you didn’t, we have a real
big problem.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Al!
Come on you know I got it. I always come through for you. You on the other hand
have the issue remembering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Besides, if
you forgot yours, mine won’t even matter.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
two boys argued back and forth over whom had forgotten what. Other children
trailing hats and gloves ignored them as they spilled into the classroom of Sunshine
Daycare Center. The brightly colored room filled with many face and bodies.
They happily placed items into cubbies exchanging hellos filled with
excitement. Al and Chuck’s entire argument had gone unnoticed while the room
became more vocal with tiny voices. As Ms. Torrance watch she knew this was
going to be a wonderful start to the year. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Ms.
Torrance stood and nodded to Harry, her teaching assistant. This was the signal
to flicker the lights and close the door. Every child immediately stopped and
turned to face Ms. Torrance. Al and Chuck hastily ran to their cubbies stuffing
their belongings away. The last thing needed was drawing attention to their
actions. They took their places behind their desks, waiting for Ms. Torrance to
begin. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Good
morning class, “ said Ms. Torrance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Good
morning Ms. Torrance,” twenty small voices answered in chorus. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Go
ahead and take your seats,” said Ms. Torrance. She counted in her head the
children sitting before her. She made a mental record of the children in
attendance. It was this first count she would use as a checklist anytime a
child entered or exited the classroom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“There should always be twenty,”
thought Ms. Torrance. “We’re going to start this morning with show and tell.
Does anyone have anything exciting to share from their summer?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Two
hands immediately shot up. Both Al and Chuck leap almost loose from their
seats. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Alvin
and Chuck which one of you boys would like to go first?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“We
want to go at the same time,” Chuck and Al answered. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Curious,”
thought Ms. Torrance. “Okay...? Are you sure boys?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can each go right after one another.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“No
we really need to go together,” said Al. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Yeah
we really, really need to go together. Our stuff won’t be good if it’s not
together,” said Chuck. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Well,
alright then boys. Come on up and share what you brought.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Al
and Chuck rushed to their cubbies to grab their bags. They moved like the wind
from one side of the room to the very front. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“My
Dad got a new hobby this summer,” said Al.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He reached into his bag removing a cylindrical shaped item. It was brown
etched with lines on all sides. “Here, my Dad calls this his ‘mellow out buddy’.”
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Ms.
Torrance took a hard look at the item. A word rushed into her head, CIGAR! “Oh
Alvin that is a very adult toy you have there, can you give it here please?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“But
why? It’s not even lit up yet. I was going to do that next,” said Al, reaching
into his pocket to fetch the lighter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“OH
NO, there is no need for that Alvin,” said Ms. Torrance. She leaned across the desk;
hand out attempting to snatch the cigar away. Just inches away as Chuck jumped
forward with his item in hand. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Annnnnnnnnnnd
here is what Al’s Dad uses to hide it from his Mom,” said Chuck. His small hand
held a glass bottle. Chuck depressed the gold nozzle at the top. The room was
suddenly filled with the pungent odor of cheap brute cologne. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Eighteen
small noses snubbed back in revulsion. They began to cough and wheeze. Cries
and the cologne filled every corner of the classroom. That is when mass
hysteria read about it medical journals took hold. Tiny bodies fled their desks
streaming into the aisles. Chairs were thrown everywhere as Chuck and Al rushed
to cover their mouths and noses. All the while Chuck continued to rapidly
depress the nozzle. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Harry!
Open the door, everyone line up FIRE DRILL!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Forty-four
feet lined up straight, and rushed forth from the room, away from the cologne.
Al and Chuck made sure to be at the end of the line. They knew that Harry would
ignore them while the girls were in distress. He was one of those “rush in on a
white steed” kind of heroes. The line of children between the two teachers
ushered themselves down the empty hallway. All looking forward to the promise
of fresh air. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Ms.
Torrance who was allergic to such cologne could barely walk as her eyes swelled
and filled with tears. As she stood and held open the door she was too
distracted to recall her earlier run of counting to twenty. This miscount
allowed for both Al and Chuck to step free the line and rush toward the far end
of the playground. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Both
boys raced as far as they could before stopping to take a breath. They hugged
and high fived each other, their plan had finally worked. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Freedom,”
said Al. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Freedom,”
said Chuck. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Freedom?”
said Ms. Torrance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Half
way across town a woman would claim she heard the sound of glasses breaking in
her sink. What she did not know was that it was not glass that had broken but
the hope and hearts of two small boys. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Good
plan boys. Just not good enough,” said Ms. Torrance. She pointed sternly to the
line of students standing by the entrance. “Now get!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
boys obeyed. They moved awkwardly, shoulders heavy, heads to the ground, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>feet laden with sorrow. As they approached
their classmates, cheers and accolades welcomed them. They were heroes. They
were legends. They would try again tomorrow. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-86910388843418929052014-08-14T11:52:00.001-07:002014-08-14T11:52:42.614-07:00Captain, my captain... <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is a personal note for those that either need to read what I am writing or for my own understanding. My intention is to be open with my own understandings. I am in no way commenting on the overall and general understanding of mental health or human suffering. I hope that what I give here is understood as it is intended. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Recently the whole of the entertainment and American public were shocked to hear of the death of Robin Williams. I like many were shocked to hear that such a wonderfully talented actor was no longer on the living plane. I immediately when to the internet for answers finding that his death was suspected and then confirmed as a suicide. I was even more shocked and heartbroken to learn that his actions were a result of a lifelong fight against depression. I asked, what could a man so funny be so depressed about to seek silence in such a way? I also asked, is this the cost of the line light? Do all the greats die young burnt out from flames fueled by passion and heart? Is there hope for those of us that have talent but have yet to be struck by a spotlight? I was flooded by the questions of hope in such a dark ending. Then I remembered the scenes from Dead Poet’s Society, The World According to Garp, and my favorite scene from Good Will Hunting. Matt Damon is making fun of Robin Williams’s deceased wife, Matt laughs making obscene comments about a picture she painted. Williams suddenly lunges at Damon pushing him against the wall. Damon is shocked as quiet rage rolls off of Williams’ face. Williams says in a low and direct voice, “If you ever say anything about my wife again I will fucking end you.” Right there, like myself, movie goers were thrown off their seats with one comment from a man who used to stand on his head saying, “Nanu Nanu.” I wondered where Williams had gotten his understanding of loss so great that it leap from the screen and shook the audience awake. Now it would seem that this scene for Williams may have not been acting, it may have been how he felt every moment for a very long time. I much like the proverbial hero looked deep into the void and found that it was looking just as deeply back into me. I understood what Williams was saying in that scene, I understood the loss, and now I can understand that for him life was more battle than banter. The point I make here is that we all have demons deep in our hearts, the question is do we fight them free them or give in to them? Why the loss and struggle of a funny man speaks so fervently to me is because I am afraid at times that like Robin Williams I may seek silence rather than die alone screaming in the darkness. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The reason why it is relevant is that in my own wonderings I too have almost given in. For the last seven years I have been in active consoling. I attend both private and group sessions at The White Raven Center in Anchorage Alaska. It is through the good work and guidance of the facilitators Marianne, Floyd, Cathy, Toby, Rebecca and others that I am still here. Not that I was at any point ready to go quietly into that good night, I was moreover always there on the edge looking out over the void. Some might say that I have not had reason to be so morbidly depressed or suicidal. Some might say that their struggle is harder than mine so I should man up. Other still would say that we all have issues so keep calm and carry on (I loath that phrase not for its meaning but more of its usage). I say to that from an earlier and angrier voice, “GO FIRETRUCK YOURSELVES!” Now that I have had lots of time to heal I can say openly to those that question my journey “Go and help yourself. I will if I can be there to witness your healing and support you as you need in doing it. You have all the weapons you need to battle the darkness inside, now you only need to choose to fight. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>In my own life I have a father who ditched me before I was born. I was born with a disease that made me, in the eyes of others, weak and broken. I have family members that chose to “check out” of life rather than live it. I have a mother that married a man who tried to drown me in a pool. She then chose to flee that marriage only to choose to give me up as her son to try and make a life with that same man. I was married at a young age to a woman who was the only reason I graduated High School. I fathered a child with the love of my life, and I lost both of them in the blink of an eye to the idiocy of a drunk driver. I was blamed for their deaths because I missed a phone call. I was (and still am) outcast from everyone that I thought loved me and supported me. I stood for ten years alone in the dark, screaming, waiting for death to get it over with. I have walked calm into that good night, but I have raged internally against the dying of a light I could care less about. I did what I thought a man was supposed to do, suck it up and keep it all on the inside. I can now say that even though I had my head above water I rarely remembered to breath. Until I made the choice to come back into life I was lost. I can see the old me standing angry and alone cutting into his soul just as he cut into his flesh over a hundred times. I carry those scars upon me, but they do not make me what I am. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Now that I have complied the outline for madness which I have lived I can better offer the point. No one needs to stay silent, or calm, or strong, or nice, or proper, or anything if they don’t need to. Robin Williams kept his struggle silent and internal. He chose to leave the world instead of continue to live in it. He may have been able to come back from the void if he had felt validated in choosing to live with the support of others. Who is to say that he didn’t; I am noting that is still not okay in today’s society to broken. Broken meaning that you don’t want to live, or get out of bed, or stop crying, or stop punching the wall. Broken as in unable to remember those parts of yourself that broke off because it was too much to carry on. The soul parts shattered from your core so that you could keep walking forward without pain. Broken as in you can remember what it is to be not broken. Broken as I was, broken as in moments I can remember where I too longed for to be over. Being broken is not the issue, the issue is that bring open about being broken is something best left alone in the dark. And to all of that I say again, “FIRETRUCK THAT!” </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>There is no need for people feel bad over wanted help. There is nothing wrong with having issues if you openly look for the opportunity to resolve them. We are human so there is no reason to feel bad or guilty in needing people to be humane. There is no reason to be alone in the dark because you do not want to burden anyone else. Your silence is not golden, your madness is not rude, your struggle is does not lack merit, your heart does not need to beat alone. As I write this I am worked up slightly because of how important I feel this is to everyone. The point, behind my ranting, is that no one need go alone, its dangerous out there take this, my (anyone’s) hand. I cannot fix it, but in the least I can listen to it and walk with you as you battle it. Again, you have all the weapons you need, now fight, and know that your need not fight alone. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I am sad with the loss of the person and the talent of Robin Williams. I am sadder that he went alone into the night. I am even sadder that he is not alone in the struggle that claimed him. I hope that even with the loss we can see that there is no point to it for anyone else. If you need to be heard speak up and someone will listen, I did. </span><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-53948332044355945542014-07-24T15:29:00.003-07:002014-07-24T15:29:23.859-07:00A Deadman's Wish <div class="p1">
How soft the river bed is </div>
<div class="p1">
gently lapping upon my feet. </div>
<div class="p1">
Time is lost as I look downstream</div>
<div class="p1">
eyes open unblinking</div>
<div class="p1">
How many days?</div>
<div class="p1">
How many hours?</div>
<div class="p1">
Has it only been a moment? </div>
<div class="p1">
Am I too lost in beauty to know </div>
<div class="p1">
the length of time I have laid here. </div>
<div class="p1">
Nothing moves here but nature </div>
<div class="p1">
wind through the leaves</div>
<div class="p1">
water racing beside each bank</div>
<div class="p1">
light into shadow and back again it turns.</div>
<div class="p1">
My body needs no more</div>
<div class="p1">
stimulus to drive it from its seat</div>
<div class="p1">
It is good to rest old bones</div>
<div class="p1">
it is peaceful to settle old flesh. </div>
<div class="p1">
So nice are these times</div>
<div class="p1">
no hunting to madden my heart </div>
<div class="p1">
no screaming to fury my soul </div>
<div class="p1">
no sorrowful laments silent in my mind.</div>
<div class="p1">
Gods please make this steady</div>
<div class="p1">
make this constant a river flows.</div>
<div class="p1">
Let my dead stay dead</div>
<div class="p1">
let my soul be at rest. </div>
<div class="p1">
Cover me with silt to nourish the ground</div>
<div class="p1">
for generations that still have yet been born.</div>
<div class="p1">
Make me a stream </div>
<div class="p1">
rushing willingly to my end.</div>
<div class="p1">
I am tired </div>
<div class="p1">
I am hungry </div>
<div class="p1">
most of all I am willing to find</div>
<div class="p1">
my peace after death.</div>
<div class="p1">
I would cry if I could. </div>
<div class="p1">
Weep to show my intent </div>
<div class="p1">
But my eyes are dry as is my flesh </div>
<div class="p1">
all but my feet.</div>
<div class="p1">
As I sit without time beside my river </div>
<div class="p1">
rushing for the ocean </div>
<div class="p1">
to take it home.</div>
<div class="p1">
What pieces of me become part of it </div>
<div class="p1">
I hope will be happy knowing </div>
<div class="p1">
I wish for all of me to be home as well. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-61618221392440737942014-07-21T11:00:00.000-07:002014-07-21T11:00:09.146-07:00A Deadman's Lament <div class="p1">
I am no longer aware of when</div>
<div class="p1">
it was the first time I went mad. </div>
<div class="p1">
My memory has failed</div>
<div class="p1">
just as my heart lost faith in everything. </div>
<div class="p1">
All I know is that my world is silence</div>
<div class="p1">
in the void of what I once was.</div>
<div class="p1">
I recall here and there</div>
<div class="p1">
the happy of what was lived</div>
<div class="p1">
in memory shared with or about others</div>
<div class="p1">
before the darkness took its first bite. </div>
<div class="p1">
Do all of the others feel as I </div>
<div class="p1">
in their hunt for something great</div>
<div class="p1">
could each also know </div>
<div class="p1">
the similarities of the emotion I long for. </div>
<div class="p1">
For them I hope not</div>
<div class="p1">
because for me it’s lonely here</div>
<div class="p1">
locked in the darkness of my mind. </div>
<div class="p1">
Everything is on automatic </div>
<div class="p1">
reacting only to outside stimulus </div>
<div class="p1">
like heat, motion, taste, and sound. </div>
<div class="p1">
All the while I sit watching</div>
<div class="p1">
banging ethereal fists against my prison. </div>
<div class="p1">
Walls hard and course like stone</div>
<div class="p1">
but alive and present like water without air.</div>
<div class="p1">
Hunger, is a word both my body</div>
<div class="p1">
and my mind understand. </div>
<div class="p1">
They sit across from each other at that table </div>
<div class="p1">
drinking from the same cup. </div>
<div class="p1">
The senses catch another impulse </div>
<div class="p1">
and my body begins to move.</div>
<div class="p1">
Slow feet being their trod </div>
<div class="p1">
toward a glory known only as yearning</div>
<div class="p1">
My body smells the fear</div>
<div class="p1">
my belly rumbles at the sweat </div>
<div class="p1">
my mind screams, “oh god, no more, please run, not another, not yet.”</div>
<div class="p1">
They are rabbits cowering with fright</div>
<div class="p1">
my body responds to instinct. </div>
<div class="p1">
I become more than just imagined fears</div>
<div class="p1">
more than the boggy man lurking clothes at night.</div>
<div class="p1">
The look on their faces says horror</div>
<div class="p1">
the taste of their flesh sings divine. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-56345073144820278542014-07-14T09:28:00.001-07:002014-07-14T09:28:04.908-07:00Pastiche of Yusef Komunyakaa' "My Father's Love Letters" <div class="MsoNormal">
Little Things by Jeff Lee </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She swings her feet freely back and forth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Small white shoes polished to shine. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Catching the moon’s full luminous glow reflecting white on
white.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As she swings she
also sings<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a tune of mice and clocks<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
running hickory dickery then stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In her ignorance is innocence<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Knowing nothing of what has happened<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
or anything of the great beyond to come<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My job is to tell<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
her what will befall her next<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
on her road to salvation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A shepherd one traveler called me,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the great and mighty decider some used, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
soulless bastard cried another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They all cried, screamed, and pleaded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is their nature<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to want more <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of the life they had lived <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
no matter how full or empty <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
they want more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her head turns in my direction<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
eyes a pale blue<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hi, why are<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
your clothes so black and smoky?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She does not know me<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am just another person to her <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a stranger on the street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Clothes are as they need to be” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Your dress is pretty”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Mommy made it for me,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
she cried on it though.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Can I go home now, please?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My job only allows me a<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
purpose, never a choice or favor<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I am death, even when it hurts. <span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 4;">Original Poem: </span>http://www.ibiblio.org/ipa/poems/komunyakaa/my_father's_love_letters.php</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(I only matched the word count from each line) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-90329438426596942722014-06-11T11:44:00.002-07:002014-06-11T11:44:33.124-07:00Work Poem <div class="p1">
A part of me wants to explode</div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me wants to die knowing I took someone else out with me</div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is crying </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is no more than the simplest idea of evil </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is burning away what it has left </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is resurrected knowing that I am the only god I need </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me lacks faith in the whole </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is faithful to the concept of revenge </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is dark </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is the monster underneath my bed</div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me enjoys the arguments of other voices in my head </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me wakes up alone and does not know why </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me hates the movies that make me cry </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me laughs to keep from screaming </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is okay with the rest of me leaving</div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is funny ha ha and funny weird </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is that ringing in your ears </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is nothing that should be given concern </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is the lesson you need to learn </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me can the see the future when it’s dreaming</div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me lack the skill in completely believing </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is dead</div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me chooses life instead </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is fight </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is strife </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of ne is happy </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is crappy </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is smart </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me has no heart </div>
<div class="p1">
A part of me is me </div>
<br />
<div class="p1">
A part of me is all the me I need to be </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-11356180248471833162014-05-09T16:41:00.000-07:002014-05-09T16:41:17.377-07:00Shut Up Because I Love You <div class="p1">
She was different in how she moved </div>
<div class="p1">
She was normal in the world she viewed </div>
<div class="p1">
She was loved in each type of sound her laughter made</div>
<div class="p1">
She was hatted in the beauty of the love that she gave</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
She was science in the efficiency of her every process </div>
<div class="p1">
She was magic in the total of her video game loses </div>
<div class="p1">
She was stone in the foundation of what she was believing</div>
<div class="p1">
She was clay in the knowledge of her inherited teachings</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
She was victorious in every single argument she ever had </div>
<div class="p1">
She was defeatist in every note she sung, they were just that bad</div>
<div class="p1">
She was joyous at the very start of each day</div>
<div class="p1">
Shea was morose in the times I spent away</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
She was broken in the turbulent soundings of continuous thunder </div>
<div class="p1">
She was solid in the acceptance and fixings of my blunders</div>
<div class="p1">
She was anger in the running of mouths fueled by ignorance </div>
<div class="p1">
She was laughter in the resolution of my rabbling nonsense </div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
She was light so that I would always see my tunnels end </div>
<div class="p1">
She was darkness so that my monsters could have a friend </div>
<div class="p1">
She was ending to the long lived fancy dreams of my youth </div>
<div class="p1">
She was the beginning to the man I learned to be at rebirth </div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
She was birth to the end that I eventually needed to learn </div>
<div class="p1">
She was death to the fool hardy dreams for which I so long had yearned </div>
<div class="p1">
She was my hate in all the time as my sadness sat growing</div>
<br />
<div class="p1">
She will always be my love and my reason for which I keep going</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-67969758501388918552014-05-02T07:34:00.002-07:002014-05-02T07:34:48.245-07:00Another Flash Fiction <div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">The Meaning in Fate<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">By Jeff Lee<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">Dear Gerwald, <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">Here within this
letter is the full detail of your inheritance. I never had the heart to tell
you about what lays in the crates my lawyer have presented you. It was stupid
of me to think that keeping a secret from you would save you pain more so than
giving you this letter now and being unable to answer the questions you may
have. I am sorry for that and hope that as you read this point will be clear
and my love is understood. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">Your loving father, <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">Henry<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The letter was
one paragraph but was only the first page to the hundred-page manuscript
sitting on the table before Gery Helm. He was tired, a fact that could be told
from the rumpled nature of his clothes and the dark circles etched below his
eyes. Gery took a sip from his cup of coffee the lawyer’s assistant had given
him. It was cold and bitter but grounded him as he read on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">You see son when you were born I was so worried about your future that
I sought the console of a seer. Her name was R</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">адател</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Hela M’Tynri and was renowned for
her skill. I asked her plain and simple what worries you would face during your
life and what I could do to aid them. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">She said only a few simple words. “Your son will lose a foot.” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">When I asked her to explain she said that is all she saw. I left
harrowed by the news that you may at some time be crippled. It was then that I
decided to do what I could to fix the problem. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">When I returned home I took down my tools, my pencils, my drafting
square and I began to draw your feet. I had measured then while you slept and
by morning I had carved a near perfect replica of each foot. They were wooden
but if needed would keep you mobile. But when I looked at them I knew these would
not do. Hela had not said which, or when, or how you would lose your foot. I
took it upon myself like a quest of old, I would craft you a pair of feet for
every age. I studied the anatomy of feet in books and talked with podiatrists
who specialized in prosthetics. I even sold a few of my designs to larger companies
to both help and finance my endeavors. I found better material and trained
myself to mold it, as I needed. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">Each night I would measure your feet down to the most minute of
details. Without rest till the day I passed I crafted you 97 pairs of feet at
last count. I know you no longer need the pairs of feet from your youth so I am
donating them to hospitals around the world. The adult pairs I beg you to keep
and care for they are my legacy to you, the love I have for you in physical
form. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Gery put the
documents down on the table in front of him. He felt sick like the world was
moving too fast around him. His father knew something like this and had not
only kept it from him but had worked everyday of this life to prevent it. The
distance that Gery had always felt from his father was only a defense so that
Gery would not have to carry the burden of it. It was too much to take in.
Gery’s dizziness strengthened as he reached for his coffee cup. His hand missed
the mark and the cup was knocked over the table spilling the coffee on the
letter and notes from his father. Gery rushed to catch the liquid but his hand
was too shaky, it only made the coffee run faster toward the floor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Gery rose from
the table pushing the chair away from him. The assistant had rushed in to aid
him in his clean up. She placed a folder on the table with Gery’s name on it.
Inside were the release papers for the cases and the prosthetics he could no
longer use. He drew his pen and signed them. He handed it to the assistant and
walked out of the room leaving the cases and his father’s notes behind him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Later that week
a delivery truck parked outside of Gery’s house. The men asked where the cases
should go and Gery gestured to the garage. When they were finished Gery gently
opened each of the cases. There before him were smaller cases each holding a
single foot and a placard reading either right or left and the age. Gery was
astonished by the craftsmanship and care put into each foot. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">Searching he found the one listed </span><span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style"; font-size: 12.0pt;">45 RIGHT</span><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;"> and pulled it out from its case.
Gery took off his shoe and sock and placed the artificial foot down next to
his. It was a perfect match down to the coloring of his toenails. Gery smiled a
small crack of a smile. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">For the next several hours Gery
worked his way through each of the cases. It was as if he was traveling through
time watching one piece of his body age before him year by year. He eventually
came to the end and began to return the feet to their cases. When he reached 57
and he could not match one right foot to a left. He let it be and worked down
back to his own age but still he was missing one left foot. He unpacked and
repacked each set of feet. Looking all around his garage and eventually his
house. But he could not find it anywhere. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 12.0pt;">Eventually it dawned on Gery and
he began to laugh deep and resounding. “You were right Dad, I did lose one and
because of you I felt no pain for it.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-6098041178720675052013-11-14T17:20:00.004-08:002013-11-14T17:20:53.311-08:00Tear Bending <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So, first let me say that I am a
man in the traditional sense and have no qualms or questions in my masculinity.
I’m big, I’m tough, and I have a good deal of facial and body hair. I smell
like a man, talk like a man, and even fart in an open room just because I can.
All of these things solidly define me, as what people would say is manly.
Second, in reference to the first part of this statement let me say this…today
at work I cried like a baby. I spilled tears much like a levy bursting forth
due to heavy rainfall. My noise ran, calling attention to my tears as I tired
to sniff up the running green goop set loose by my teary build up. In short
form, I wept openly. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Not that
crying is unmanly, but because we are still bound as a society by the rough guy
stereotype of the 1950’s it is not commonplace. The question you might have is
what caused a manly man like myself to emotionally fall apart enough to weep
openly? The answer is simple, a comic depicting a story from the new Avatar
series. If you are aware of what Avatar is (not the James Cameron blue cat
people movie), then you can most likely skip this section. If you are unaware
of Avatar then I may just cry a bit for your lack of understanding, but will
only give a quick explanation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Avatar
created by Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko. The series aired
between 2005 and 2008 on the Nickelodeon networks. The story itself was about a
world where people moved or bended the four elements air, earth, fire and
water. They did this by moving their bodies and hands much like the classic
martial arts styles originated by shaolin monks in early China. The main
character was a young boy named Aang, who was the last air bender after
spending a hundred years sleeping in ice. He also was the last Avatar, which is
a person reincarnated each generation and has the ablity to bend all four
elements. Aang traveled the world with his friends Katara and Zuko learning the
other bending forms so that he could save the world from the oppression of the
fire nation. Aang eventually saved the world and fell in love with Katara his water-bending
teacher. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
As a whole, Avatar was a
beautifully fascinating series that was great for both kids and adults alike.
For those that did watch all or at least most of it, you can speak of chakras
and a good deal of us will imagine the explain of water moving through pools
given to Aang. But moving on the whole point to my explanation is that for
there to be a new Avatar the old one must pass on and rejoin the collective
memories and wisdom inherited in the new incarnation of the Avatar. In the
sequel to the original Avatar series The Legend of Kora, there is a new Avatar
and the old one, Aang, has passed on. The comic, which made me, cry was a
memory told by Kora being taught by her water bending master Katara. Now, you
might have made the connection, the new Avatar (Kora) is being taught by the
old Avatar’s love. The comic was beautifully simple but epically sad at the
end. To view it for yourself click the link below: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://cheezburger.com/7813048576">http://cheezburger.com/7813048576</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now after
reading my breakdown and the comic are you too now tear bending? If not that is
okay, but you may want to check that you have a pulse because obviously you are
lacking a heart YOU MONSTER! No, sorry that was out of line and I apologies,
but seriously YOU MONSTER! The point I am getting at is the Avatar series was
written with the colorful happy presentation for children to enjoy and with a deeply
poetic meaning running through its core for adults. I can honestly see myself
watching this with my kids (if I had any). At the end of the show they are
happy and trying to bend the table with their fists. Me, I’m moved by the
understanding that you don’t have to know the purpose only know that there can
be balance in everything. (I also might be trying to bend the table). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>With the
creation of an after story kids who did not watch the first one would not get
the comic more than the face value of having someone that loves you enough to
be with you everyday. For the adults and kids that have watched the first
series th understanding that comes from change is enormous. The last air bender
Aang is now gone and those that loved him and taught him will have to watch his
successor go through some of the trials he did. The huge cycle of life and
death with the understanding that it will always be in balance should be
something respected, especially from a simple cartoon. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now that we
have spent some time tear bending maybe its time we move on to the other
things. If anything take this from what I have written, that just because it’s
a cartoon does not mean it cannot teach you what it is to be human. Also crying
is a human action, not a womanly or manly action. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(Please note that when I first starting writing this I stopped
and came back to it several weeks later. I opened the comic again to remind
myself of the message and sure enough I bent tears again.) </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-44922358033918998902013-11-13T14:54:00.000-08:002013-11-13T14:54:13.715-08:00School Assignment <div style="text-align: center;">
School, being school assigned a simple assignment to write a scene that built suspense. It needed to be between 200 - 600 words. it need to use whatever methods of dialogue, narrative, and description to exemplify the need to escape a person, place or thing. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Here is what I cam up with. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“It burns,” Shel said. Her voice
was far away as if she was just awoken from sleep. This was in contrast to the
look on her face. Eyes wide in terror, red rings encircled the dark blue of her
iris. Her skin white and shallow like the tide gone out from the shore. Mouth agape
exposing dried gums crusted with blood inking the white of her teeth <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“That is
its purpose child, to burn away the wandering thoughts of a godless actions of
heathens such as you,” answered the tin tone voice in the speaker above Shel’s
head. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Shel tried
again to turn her head to find the voice. At times it seemed like it was
everywhere at once. It always followed the pain marching behind it in parade
fashion. A ripping feeling above her eyes, then the warm burst of blood, then
the burning, and finally the voice telling her to be still and it would all be
okay. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Shel sat
tense for a moment listening; the voice from the speaker said nothing else the
burning slowed then stopped. Shel was alone in her room again strapped to cold
metallic table. She was still alive but her time was short. If they could not
get her to admit she believed in the father they would turn the torches on.
Fire would erupt from every corner of the room and she would burn writhing in agony-licked
head to toe by cleansing flames. The image of her blackened body smoking as the
cleaning crew entered the room to remove her body made Shel vomit bile into the
back of her throat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Quite your fear girl, see only the
river were you float, not the falls ahead,” said the memory of Xavier. Shel
recalled the intensity on his face as he spoke to her of fear and the
destructive power it had. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Okay, you old son of a vapor
thief, what am I am I to do then?” asked Shel to her memory. She thought hard
and did as she was trained, She breathed out the fear and took in air in that
moment alone. Her mind cleared the fog of pain as called her muscles into
action. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A camera set high in the celling
rotated at a rate of 1 millimeter an second. In a total of 15 seconds it would
move from one side of the room to the other. Moving now from right to leave the
camera caught a subtle tremor in Shel’s right arm as it passed. On its return
trip from left to right the camera caught a similar tremor in Shel’s left arm.
In the 72-hour period the camera had been focused on Shel it had passed over
her 17,280 times. Each time until now has captured a lifeless form lying on a
surgical table. The female was bare and prone on her back. The camera, which
was not aware of, was defined life or death could only detect movement. A job
it had not needed to do till now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A buzzing,
pulsating alarm rung out like a rooster calling to the dawn from the speaker
above Shel’s head. She kept calm forming her muscles to twitch harder and
faster. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her arm only needed a pace fast
enough to breach the molecular bonds of the straps. She pushed harder against
the panic building within her, she knew what would come following the alarm. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Shel
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-87328031754947030762013-05-13T22:38:00.006-07:002013-05-13T22:41:20.246-07:00April Poem Posts<span style="color: white;">April was National Poetry Month, so I tired to write a poem a day. Here are all the poems I came up with and the dates that I posted them via other social networking sites:</span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b>April 30</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">DOUBT</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">A poem by Jeff Lee</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">We held it in the heart and called it truth<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">A simple act or idea given taken returned and rewritten</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The foundation of actions for which banners are carried and
battles are cried<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">In effort to build the world around us as something bigger
than us</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Then the dark came<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">It bled into the pure waters we all drank from<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">It spilled ink across the clean unwritten pages we held as<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><span class="textexposedshow">ideals<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It became the little black spot on the sun that
brightened our days</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It was the very soul of us all but moved in ways we
never thought possible</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It ate at our tables</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It drank from our cups</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It played with our children</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It slept in our beds</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">A houseguest that became an assumed roommate in the
corridors of our minds</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It aged us</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It beat us</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It teased us</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It became us</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Our faces were mirrors to it, a place it could
check its teeth and brush its hair</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It had merit</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It had weight</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It had validity</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It could stand up in court</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It had us</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">We gave ourselves to it and asked only for more</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It drove us</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It was us</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">And we let it</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Only to find that once we asked what it was it
already had bred inside us</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Now there is nothing left but it</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Now all we have is it</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">And we will never let it go for it will kill us</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">And even death is still feared above it for without
it there is no after as there never was a before</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">There is no helping us</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">There is no holding us</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">There is no fixing us</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">There is no saving us</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">There is no us</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">There is only it, and we would have it no other way</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">April 29<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">Am I am when i am in
company<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Am I not when I am alone<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Am I something when seen</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Am I nothing in places I've been</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Am I feeling when I am entrapped<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Am I hollow when I am un mapped</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Am I an idea if I am<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Am I an afterthought if I am not<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b>April 24<sup>th</sup></b> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">Some times you find
madness<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Some times you find pain<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Some times you find love</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Some times you find them all in the same place<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b>April 22</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">i want nothing from me
but fire<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I want nothing from you but presence<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">i want nothing from the world but foundation<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I want nothing from eternity but being<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I want nothing from you but you<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I want nothing from me but me<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I want nothing all but nothing but love in a moment<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I want nothing but from us but the endless sea<span class="textexposedshow"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><b>April 16</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">Fumbled thoughts, dark
delighted deeds</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Furious fires, logical tyranny breeds</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Tight woven ideas tied constricted heart strings</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">A man who is mortal shall never be king<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Raged ragged rough yelled mountain tops</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Views from above pause angels wing flutters stop<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Merge the merry, merry the worth<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Given to the needy, need those spilled over by mirth<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Die in the moment forever of time</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> </span></span><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Seek internal justice for uncommitted crimes</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Dark days between moons lighted nights</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Peacefully disclosed hardships set right</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Swoop in from the shadow</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Dance down like the rain</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Sing loudly of harrowed</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Laugh shyly upon the profane</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Wake from the madness</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Shower out water run red</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Shave close around grown sadness</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Dress proudly for the dead</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b>April 15</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b style="background-color: black;"><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">There once was a maiden
so fair<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Whose beauty was far beyond compare</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">One day her mirror did crash</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Throwing bits and shards of glass</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Now all she sees is hundreds and hundreds of gnarled glares</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">A servant quick entered with a broom<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Finding the main showed in gloom<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">“The mirror broken and lost”</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> </span></span><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“But with each action there comes a cost”</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">So echoed with darkness a voice foretold of doom</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b>April 14</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">Funny to find myself here
again<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">In the places where I am surrounded by friends<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I smile not because I can<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I smile because there is love where I am</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Oh to be isolated for so long<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Then to be amongst a chorus singing songs</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Voices different but much like mine<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Each full of fire burning bright intertwined</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> </span></span><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><br />
<br />
<span class="textexposedshow">How could I ever be alone</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">When I stand welcome in another’s home</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">How could I have ever had muscles to make a frown</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">While I fall back into their voices ready to drown</span><br />
<br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Its madness my mind says to me</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">We have no worth to merit a feeling of free</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Hush I tell it noting in retort for this brains are
no so smart</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">As they gather around I give in and being thinking
with my heart</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b>April 12</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b style="background-color: black;"><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">Dark fall was the name
they gave to define<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The end of light when the hour struck nye<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">A lasting pitch thick as tar to drown out the sun divine<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">A meeting of two endless foes cut a thin bright line</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Here forever and now gone in a blink</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Leaving stumbling fools bumping against one another</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">All lost, blinded laid down decaying in stink<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">A grand game of hide and seek never lacking in cover</span><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><br />
<br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I am told we last with dim light artificial</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Burning the earth so that we may see where we stood</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">But as the energy died out they blew away like dry
thistles</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Dim then to dark we understood we had not done what
we should</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It will come back I heard my grandfather say</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">The planet will turn and shrug it off too warm for
its dark blanket</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">We will all be woken up to that bright glorious day</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It has to be true if any of us are to make it</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I comb the hair from his brow while he told me the
tale</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">The once flowing threads now like his heart feeble,
tired run thin</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I had no heart to tell him that all hope must
eventually fail</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Yes grandfather on that day our new life will begin</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="textexposedshow">He passed two days later not that any could tell</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">When all is dark and it always will be</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">There was no longer sunsets or sunrise or clocks or
bells</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">No point to keep time, no reason to turn a wind up
key</span><br />
<br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I feel asleep at my point no longer after he died</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">He was my guide and my voice from which I learned
all</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I know to be honest I should let myself cry</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I now understood that even the might must fall</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I must has gotten lost in the dream lands that
sleep</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I saw places and people all glowing with light</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">They were all happy, no moaning, or crying, no
sadness no weeps</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Then a hand reached out saying come son it will be
alright</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I found them both lying under blankets made of
straw</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">To huddled husks together quiet like babes</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">These humans so afraid they dug deep in their
withdraw</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Every day we find more bodies dead hidden in caves</span><br />
<br />
<span class="textexposedshow">To left out of fear knowing not why they ran</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Digging hard and long trying any escape</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">So many got lost trying in vain to save their kin
and their clan</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Never again seeing light never knowing earths fate</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b>April 11</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b style="background-color: black;"><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">The sweat smell of her is
hard escape<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Wet with morning’s waking dew her scent fills my nose</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The sensation of her presence there behind me<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Could there be more fire than in the warmth of her skin</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Shivering still as I run my hand gently down exposed flesh<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Sparks bright but unseen strike out with pointed spears
raging against my invasion<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I draw bre<span class="textexposedshow">ath from her<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">My lungs fill with moisture, sunlight and song</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I hold it as long as I can before exhaling</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Knowing the air I take in from her will run rivers
of blood through my veins</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">She is my life blood and the reason why I still
breathe</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I inch closer to her wanting to feel the warm
rapture of her being</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Slowing with caution as to not wake her from silent
slumber</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">But I move with clumsy actions raising small
tremors across the space between us</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I shall shake her awake if I am not careful, but
could that be what I want all along</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“Hello there stranger,” echoes angels in chorus</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“I am sorry, you were just too perfect for me to
resist,” I answer feeling shame in my action</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“Come closer, rock with me to sleep,” she answers
all forgiven and all forgot</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I spread my arms wide to encircle her whole</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I feel every part of her pushing back against me as
gravity asks like cupid between us</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“There now, could there be anything more natural
than this,” she questions</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“No, there is nothing more natural than you,” I
return</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">She rocks as I roll calling sleep back to cover us
with sand</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">She is my everything, she is my life, she is my
foundation, and she is my lasting memory of heaven</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">She is my miles of crossed hell marked by scars
defining my soul</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“Never leave me,” she commands</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“Never I shall,” I comply</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Quiet again now she and I are, a moonlight face
pressed against the dark blanket of space</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">She is my earth, and I am her moon</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Without her I am cast upon an endless sea of empty
existence</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Without me she has no tide to define shores and no
brightness in the pitch of night</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">We sleep, as we always will, always apart of each
other’s orbit.</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b>April 9<sup>th</sup></b> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b><sup style="background-color: black;"><br /></sup></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">A funny thing happened on
my way to catch a train<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">As I exited my home a single cloud acme low bursting forth
with turbulent rain</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I hailed a taxi but was passed by again and again<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">One finally stopped waving my in with face smiling but plain</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Once seated I gave directions but was misunderstood to my
distain</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">To the depot on 7th the one painted like amber waves of grain</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">When asked on<span class="textexposedshow">ce again it was my anger I had to restrain<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“The place of the choo choos, hurry up you
birdbrain”</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I was forced to exit on the corner of 2nd and Main</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“By the gods how much more woe could this day
possibly contain?”</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">To answer my question I was hit by a bike which
truly rattled my chains</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“I am sorry my friend, I did try to avoid you in
vain.”</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I grumbled a reply thinking of his bike lit
brightly by burning butane</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">The time running short I took off my leg feeling
crippled by pain</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Racing down the street I hastily hoped there was
time I could regain</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">My footfalls endless and my thoughts mostly profane</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Street after street passing people and shops while
nursing a possible sprain</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Turning a corner there was the glorious sight of
the goal I longed to obtain</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Crossing the street watching my path keeping my
excitement abstained</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I entered the station checking the board only to
find that our departure was detained</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I fell back into a bench heavy with grief wishing a
condition more humane</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I must had nodded off for I woke to the sounding of
bells and a shirt quite wrinkled and tear-stained</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“All aboard,” called a porter his voice echoing
like an old fashioned bi-plane</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I jumped to my feet grabbing my bag putting my feet
in front of my midplane</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">As I made way the idea of departure was one I
reluctantly entertained</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">After all that had happened to be met with
discourse surely would drive me insane</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">But there it stood glorious shining a smoke stake
roaring forth steam like a billowing mane</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I entered my cabin and stowed my bag in a locker
which was easy to attain</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I sat down with relief the worry biting my mind
becoming less inane</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">An elderly chap enter not long after walking
supported by old fashion cane</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“You look rather haggard, like your journey may be
filled with torturous bane?”</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I nodded with sly smile aying only, “oh I can’t
really complain.”</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b>April 8</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">Dancing devil drenched in
fright<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Fools folly fumbled found cost</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Cooks coated concoctions conjuring delights</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Dared dim dirge derelict destinations lost</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Laughing longing liquid lustful games</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Gathering ganders gratefully given boasts</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Burning bright boundless flames</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Following fluid forthcoming founded toasts</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Tearing terror triumph tailed to victors</span><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Valiant verbose vagabonds vocally shout</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Sounding songs sung soulfully sound mixers</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Making mad mounds multiplied my bout</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Bring bounded backed blank books before me</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">My most memorable machinations must memories make</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Many might masters must make ready</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Read rightfully response rate rallied stakes</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Sturdy structured sentences written</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">With willfully wanting wording given</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b>April 7</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b style="background-color: black;"><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">Those steps you hear
behind you are your past</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The footfalls before you are your future</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The tip toes along side you are things that will not last</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The dances across from you are your culture</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The stomping around you is your screaming</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The crawling beneath you is your loss</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The flying about you is your dreaming</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The next step you take may have a cost</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The path that you see is your own</span><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">So chose how your feet shall fall</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Look for guidance from the whispers of you bones</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Set your pace only when you hear the right call</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">The point of life is to keep moving</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Even when it is only to stand in one place</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">So know that your journey is not about proving</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It is yours to take hold yours only to look on and
face</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b>April 6<sup>th</sup></b> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b><sup style="background-color: black;"><br /></sup></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">Crunch sounds dead leaves
like fire catching<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The smell of earth and fresh dew hang in the air<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The darkness breaths deep in each hollow<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">The ground is uneven alive with its moving<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Each foot fall beats deep foreboding heavy with gloom</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">It would be madness to stop to listen<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">To catch those that linger hidden in the dark</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">It would be death to be heard<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">But the worth far out weights all proposed terror</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> </span></span><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">The bark on the trees like walls catches ever
action</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Each board sending signals as nerves in the hand
touching flesh</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Be quiet and see nothing</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Be nothing and keep to the unseen</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">A moment to long kept in pondering</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Leads to nothing hung heavy in sacks made for
treasure</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Then from the shadows comes presence</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">A pressure fills our empty space</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Like a shark sensing prey in its wake</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">A hunter has entered the room</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Moonlight gives nothing but questions</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Dim beauty it shows catching dust dancing between
beams</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">As light reflects more within than without</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Fear of next actions had hearts pounding</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Throats raw stretched clenched holding back shouts</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“I know you are there” comes the voice</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">A hardness of steal cutting from each spoken tone</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“Return to the places you should be resting.”</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">No raise in volume but each word echoes with boom</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">The shadow slinks back into true shadow</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">The pressure in the water has gone</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">A step from each foot is now taken</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">A prize is just around the bend shall be ours</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">To stop now would end all adventure</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">To terry would bring hells wrath upon us</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">So we move knowing the moment is too soon</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Out from the darkness comes form</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">A hand outstretched filled with malice</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">It takes hold and we know we are doomed</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“Get back to bed little terrors”</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“The witching hours has past”</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“Go back to your room and find slumber”</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">“The cookies have all been consumed”</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b>April 4<sup>th</sup></b> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><sup style="background-color: black;"><br /></sup></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">Could it be could it say
that it is the dueling ideals that man own foreplay<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">To know the right but seek out the wrong<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">To set fire to bridges were footsteps still fall</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">To say the terrible cutting truth of things no one else saw</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Are we real human or do we obly play at being men<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">When all along we are beasts whose wills cannot bend</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Given freedom of law or moral or belief<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">To<span class="apple-converted-space"> <span class="textexposedshow">run wild and
terrible but washed clean of our grief</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">I say let loose that howl and bail to the moon</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Call fury and thunder upon those for whom you need
doom</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Pull back your smile and show us your teeth</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Bite deep into flesh to let loose the blood flown
beneath</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Am I only a man when I know it is wrong</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Or am I truly a man while my humanity is long gone</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Cannot rage birth a river</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Cannot anger cause steam</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Cannot sadness end screams</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Cannot hunger bring solace when our true faces are
seen</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Is there not light in the darkness</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Is there not blood at first birth</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Is there not pain wrapped in success warmed wholly
by mirth</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Am I mad for just thinking I am not only a man</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Am I crazy for believing that I am more than I am</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">If my station grows old and my britches confine
rather than fit</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Should I only buy more to pile on top of my old
broke down shit</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Or if I gave myself chance to just once feel like
the wind</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Talk honest and loving to those of my kin</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">To grab hold of my love and kiss her with endless
passion</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">To dress my ideas and my person in an animal
fashion</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Could I finally be whole</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Could I finally be free</span><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">Or would I be locked away for remembering what it
should be to be me ?</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b>April 3<sup>rd</sup></b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="textexposedshow"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><b><sup style="background-color: black;"><br /></sup></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">I worry about what life
is left in these old bones<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I wonder at the knowledge kept in these faded tomes</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I want to keep shelter in these dilapidated homes</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I wish to understand the wisdom spoken by these aged crones</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I worship the magic held in the endless unknown</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I wait to put down fires from rage homegrown</span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I wander the path but seek return to forgotten a hearthstone<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-79185004959520372602013-05-12T02:05:00.003-07:002013-05-12T02:05:45.106-07:00First Flash Fiction
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<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">WIND UP TO RELEASE</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">By B.C. Pope</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Pain was the first thing Ram could understand.
The very first idea that his mind worked to accomplish while swimming up from
below his unconscious dreamed existence. Next came the thin blurred line of
white, curved at the edges far too bright to accept. But as bright as it was
the white line was at least less real than the pain, which began to crash upon
him like the tide coming in to shatter castles built upon the sand. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“AHHHHHHHHHHHH,” Ram cried out as the pain
struck again completely opening his senses to the world around him. A black room, a single bright light, a shadow
standing before him, everything bent and blurred all but the pain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 1.0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Ram slumped forward but did not fall, there was
a force holding him in places just enough to give a reprieve but not enough to
loose him to gravity. His eyes opened again becoming clearer allowing light to dance
across his retina bleeding into his mind, information processed images and
becoming cognition. The shadow, now solid against the black background became a
man. He was average height, but loomed over Ram teetering on the tips of his
toes. The man’s clothes were of business dress, a pair of black slacks, white
shirt, tie, and dress coat. These items tied him together as one might tie a
knot to remind themselves of something important. Ram looked closer unable to
make words to question. The man in his suit just stood there looking at Ram.
But not really looking, mocking him with a smile painted wide and proud across
his blank face. The madness of the smile stood a stark contrast against the
pressed neatness of the suit he wore. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“What is going on?” Ram croaked through dry
lips. “Who, who are you, what is going on, why am I here?” Ram continued to
question. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">No reply from the man, he only smiled wider and
bowed his head. Ram could feel anger mixed with fear crawling up his throat.
Sensing this man in the suit turned away from Ram and walking a few paces to a
table. His hand reaching out and pressed a button on top of a black box. There
is an audible click as the sides of the box slid away exposing several racks of
metallic balls. Neat and ordered like the man’s suit they stood awaiting
something. Another click followed and a single ball rolls away from the others
down a slide creating a sound like sand and water rushing out a pipe. CLANG, rang
out the ball marking the end of its journey. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 1.0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“For the love of the Gods, what is all this?”
Ram bellowed out in frustration. The man only turned again and walked slowly
into the wide welcoming arms of darkness cutting the room from light. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 1.0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“HEY, hey come back here, dammit you son of a
whore, COME BACK HERE!” shouted Ram full of fury and rage. Ram’s empty threats
returned only empty echoes trimmed in the sound of another ball sliding down
the machinations of the box. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 1.0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> “Please,
let me go,” pleaded Ram into the dark. “I have money, any amount you want it’s
yours. Whatever it is I can give it to you, just let me go.” Ram’s voice broke
while he pleaded, he could feel the wet tears begin to fall. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 1.0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Over and over Ram called out into the dark
never given a response, never hearing anything but a rolling ball and a clang.
Ram counted the time it took a ball to fall, the time it took to reset, the
time it took to count the time. It all passed around him just as the ball
passed from a static state to a different static state. He was alone with
nothing but his thoughts, his count, and the darkness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 1.0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Ram moved from pleading, back to anger, to
silence and back again to pleading. Ram’s mood turned again at the same time a
ball hit its end. As if the box knew Ram’s mood had changed another light shone
down before him. It illuminated a simple sign saying only <i>Save Him Save Yourself</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 1.0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“Save who dammit, what is this crap you expect
me to do?” hammered Ram’s voice against the darkness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 1.0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Ram’s mind loaded with emotion grasped
hopelessly for reason. The rushing sand and water sound continued over and over
mocking Ram’s questioning. Clang rand out the box, another light came on flooding
over a mannequin wearing a neatly pressed black suit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Another clang another light this one showed a man
bound to a board a mirror reflecting back another Ram. Ram’s eyes danced over
the man, he was not the same but was the same. Ram could feel the desperate
climate of their plight, he could empathize with it, own it for himself. Ram’s
eyes moved to the sign, <i>Save Him, Save Yourself</i>.
It was all clear, each broken piece came together, Ram knew what must be done. <i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Ram stopped breathing long enough for his body
to remember it needed it. He gasped air back into throat filling his lungs to
bursting. Ram was drowning alone in a room filled only with a machine, a black
suit, and his remaining sanity. But his head has surfaced long enough to make
it real in his mind. Ram gave in to the idea, sinking again into ocean of doubt
knowing his next breath would be on dry land. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“I understand, let me free, I am ready,” Ram
spoke softly into the darkness. His request was answered with the sudden
release of his bonds. He fell like a rag to the floor his legs atrophied from
lack of use. In time Ram was able to crawl his way to the suit. Ram remained on
the floor allowing the blood to flow freely back into his deprived extremities.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 1.0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">When able Ram stood, dressed himself in the
suit and moved to stand before the man. All the lights but one went dark around
him. Ram could not fight it; a smile without reason slowly started to spread
across his face. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-51460191717447997682013-03-27T03:23:00.000-07:002013-03-27T03:23:16.200-07:00Dreams<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
Dreams</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
By:Jeff Lee</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
In all the
worlds of which I dream <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I drift
alone along an endless sea<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I watch the
images run from rivers to steams<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blood white snow capped peaks with winds that scream<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Dark cold
holes that crawl slither and clack <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Hot red burning
flames that lick stones to make them crack<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
All the
while through the chaos storms made madness seem mild <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
A lone
figure dances like smoke in the air wafting female wilds<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Her hair like
summer spun silk golden brown red like blood<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Her form the clock from which all time frozen
still stood<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Her lips
deep red on the white toiled foam crested crashed by a wave<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Her smile
when given shone to sinners as they might yet be saved<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Her scent
mixed coffee and blood and darkness with pine<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I her taste
came next filling mouth stomach then mind<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
But it was
not her beauty or her sex which broke back my wolfing rage<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Twas her
eyes dark circles black on white moons shining upon my grave<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I howled to
those moons with guttural lonely sounds echoed across history<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
A growl
roared forth breaking free secrets hidden tales in my history<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
As the dream
took less form neither darker nor diluted<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
She danced
between muddied images each footfall clear clean and fluid <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I felt muscles
growing tearing free flesh from my bones<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Her
movements breaking the birthing a monster of old dusty tomes<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Her hand out
stretched pale fingers curled lustful come noting hither<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I felt need
crawl up my spine a snake awoken now uncoiled as to slither<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I could no
longer control my lust, my need, my desire, nor my soul<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I leap arms
with clawed hands barking tearing to grab at her whole<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I tore at
her with force like famers whose days begin with the reaping or soil <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
But she
splintered, then cracked, then misted, then shredded like thin foil <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I looked to
my hands searched for some piece of smile, her skin, or her stare <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
But nothing remains but the pain and the
sadness and the loss of her there<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Hot blurring
tears run heavy through trailing lines dusty beds bone dry for years<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Failing
frail feeble featured shaking shoulders double over with fears<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Again she
was there but again she has passed<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
These dreams
of sick madness forever they last<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Then on my
cheek a cold touch stokes tear drowned fire from my hearth<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Soon, my dear
love, soon my love you’ll wake home again in my heart.”<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-47707799150395472492013-02-18T22:42:00.004-08:002013-02-18T22:43:19.707-08:00A Word on Parenting <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
For the time being I am not a father
or at least I am unaware of any prodigy I may have spawned with any of the
women I have done “stuff” with. In saying that I have many friends and
co-workers that either are having kids or have kids or seem to be reproducing
themselves as kids. Either or I often take part in conversations about how to
raise your kids, and what parents used to do that they don’t do now which could
be the cause of the behaviors of today’s kids. I find that during these
conversations there are a lot of good points brought up, but more so there is a
larger number of what ifs that appears out of certain lines of questioning. It
is during these “what if” moments that I find my brain giving honest answers to
the hard parenting questions of today. So, to bring it around the bend I have
here a simple list of scenarios and my automatic answer to these what if questions.
Please note that I am pretty much evil, or at least chaotic natural for most
encounters so my parenting models follow the same general idea. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Q: What do you do when you kid gets in trouble in school? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A: More over than anything else you have to make sure that
you are honest and upfront with your kids no matter the situation. So, if my
son or daughter came home from school after getting in trouble I would get them
something to drink and ask them to have a seat at the table (dining room,
kitchen, nook, box in front of the TV, whatever). Then look them straight in
the eyes and ask them what happened?
Listen to them tell the story, and when done take a deep breath (for
dramatic effect) keep a straight face and say these lines to them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
“I understand what you have said
and all I can say to you about it is that I am disappointed, what was done
seems to merit a punishment but I am too drought with what took place to decide
on your punishment now. Please understand that I am disappointed and that your
punishment will take place in the next few days once I figure it out. That is
all, go to your room and please think about what has taken place.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then just let it be for a good day or so. The kid most likely
will think I forgot or that it was not important by going about business as usual.
Then one of the nights after the conversation while the thought is still fresh
in their head go into their room around 2 or 3 in the morning. Take with you a
pair of oversized novelty scissors and a big creepy grin. Place yourself in a
chair at the edge of their bed and sit with scissors upright and grin firmly
across your face. Make sure to be quiet and wait for them to wake enough to
notice you are there. Then when you can see the resemblance of recognition in
their eyes smile even bigger, and say in a hushed voice “It’s time.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In most cases at least two of the following will happen: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Your kid will scream like crazy and wet the bed
as a reaction to what is going on. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Your spouse will rush in thinking the world is
on fire only to find the kid screaming and you literally rolling on the floor
with laughter. *Note: you most likely will get beat for this, plan to sleep on
the couch*<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Your kid will never do anything bad again
because they do not want to have to go through that again. *Note plan to save
money for therapy bills later in your child’s life.*<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Q: How do I get my kids to stop looking for presents, or
even stop begging for presents/ gifts all the time?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A: This one is a fun one because when you give your kids
treats for doing stuff you might as well make them sleep in the yard and go
potty outside. Kids are not dogs and should not be trained as such. But this is
still a good question on modeling appropriate expectations for real life at
home and outside. For this one do the following: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Create a file folder with each one of your kids
name on it, as well as some overly complicated serial number. Example: Smith,
John CIM#: 09115-2014-03-29-2451CD15F (makes sure to work in their birthdate
for added official look)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Put in random statistical data and pictures of
your kids with a whole lot of science and math equations all over the place.
But most of all in big red letters stamp in FINAL RESULTS INCONCLUSIVE, MOVE TO
STAGE GREEN, AUTHORIZATION FOR COMPONET (smudged or blurry word) USE GIVEN BY
HIGH CONSOUL. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Place said folders in a random area of the house
like a coffee table or your office. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->4.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Tell kid/ kids that you are heading out for a
run and/ or to do a chore<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->5.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Wait for kids to get bored enough to look for
stuff to get into.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->6.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Watch as kids find folders and start to look
through them. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->7.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Watch and listen as you kids start to go through
all the notes making sure to keep a straight face as well as not laughing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->8.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Then when you are sure they are worried about
all the info step out from behind them and say the following: *OH, I see that
someone has been snooping for their Christmas/ birthday/ graduation day
present?” “Father/ Mother is not amused.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->9.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Take the folder/ folders from them and just walk
out of the room leaving them to absorb the moment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->10.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Try as hard as you can to not laugh while you
walk away. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your kid/ kids will easily learn that you and/or your spouse
are evil and thus should not be questioned about the goings on of day to day
life. They will then never look for a “present” or beg to be rewarded again
because they will think you are trying to complete some possibly horrible
experiment on them. As well your kids may just stop talking to all together
which I am told is a blessing to some parents.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The point to all of this is again
to be open and honest with your kids. If they know right where you are coming
from and have clearly defined boundaries then they will be less likely to act out
in an effort to test or get attention. If you kids think you are evil all the
better because everyone knows that evil always wins because good is dumb. As
well make sure to understand that if you are evil like I am then your kids will
most likely be just as evil and will come up with their own ways to teach you
to be a better parent. In saying this please expect to wake in the morning
buried up to your neck in the sand of some unknown shore with a simple note in
front of you that says “Happy Father’s/ Mother’s Day.” Again if you kids know
where you are coming from, you should also know what to expect from them in
return. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thanks for reading, and happy parenting. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>*Note: Everything stated here is for jest and meant to be
understood as such. If you and/or your spouse act on anything written here
please let it be only the idea to be open and honest with your kids, as well to
communicate clearly with them at all times.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-71260504243601192392012-10-31T21:11:00.001-07:002012-10-31T21:11:05.222-07:00A poem for Halloween <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
The Time for Dancing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
By: Jeff Lee</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The moon is high and bright in the sky </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The shadows skip ink out of still corners sticking to
corners and steps </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The winds race like through the trees invisible to the human
eye </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The oldest of places spring new life from their depths </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is the night when the vale is thin and brittle like books
of paper</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is the time of horror and frights</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is the moments when breaths beneath the ground are
whispered</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The ethereal clock has come round striking the bells of
Hallows eve night</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are devils in the drinking water</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are wolves behind every lingered howl</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is excitement in the eyes of every son and daughter</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are pointed teeth shadowed by every pulled tight cowl </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Doors sit waiting for answer</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Small bags sit ready to be filled</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tiny hearts beet faster and faster</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yelling not for blood, but for candy to be spilled </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are treats bowled, covered, and branded</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are tricks rolled, yoked, and rung</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are smiles hidden behind masks eager to see what will
be handed</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are snickers behind bushes as endeavors of malice are
stung </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But still after the night has run out of races</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And all the footfalls have grown still </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There lurks a dark lingered kiss of ghostly paces</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There walk the stories remembered ever dark and foreboding
with ill </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now is there time to run wild </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tis the hour for the other siders to return</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once all the costumes are no longer hung from the form of a
child </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The candle of Samhain begins to burn </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They come forth from their graves of long slumber</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Walking out to dance before the moon </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Looking for partners to hold hands or seek plunder</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Knowing for sure but hoping the music’s end is not soon </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As the dawn begins his chance of the night</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They bow deeply to their partners </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The spectral forms seem more hollow and light </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And lay down in their graces ready for another years
slumbers</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those mortals that came to watch the dead dance their ball</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gather up their food and their libations </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pining back their clocks and their shawls </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The keep wonder in their hears at the mystery of life’s
machinations. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-50028140437162534522012-10-10T22:27:00.001-07:002012-10-25T22:04:53.908-07:00The first page of No More Sad Stories: Ricardd's Tale A short story/ work in progress<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Bright","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: RomanS;">Night settled around the old manor house pushing
down upon the roof causing the creaks to ripple across the rooms giving the
residents the impression that the dwelling, like them, was ready to stretch its
bones at rest. Right around now the air got real thin as one half of the world
breathed deep with the setting of the sun and the other half gasped with the
beauty of the coming dusk. Ricard looked out the window to the dimming light
running up and down the street jumping shadows to find a lasting hold in spaces
it no longer had right to call its own. It was better at night he told himself,
the patrols only went out at night if the sirens came, and tonight he hoped
there would only be silence in the wind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Bright","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: RomanS;">The view from the top floor of the four story
manor house could be off putting to some, but for Ricard at this height he
could see each end of the block. A vantage point like this was not worth giving
up unless it was by necessity or force. His life, the life of his family may be
one of constant readiness even while sleeping though on a night like this the
world seemed to accept him in peace rather than refuse him like riot. Ricard
reached down for the canteen of water by his foot noticing how dry his mouth
had become. The watch took precedent over all other needs and so he tended to
forget himself as a person so that he could remember what was lurking behind
the now present shadow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Bright","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: RomanS;">The air had chilled the canteen causing the metal part
of the container not covered by the leather straps to sting at Ricard’s finger
tips. This lone bite was enough to rouse his mind back to the now, making his
eyes focus back to the task at hand and away from the thoughts of might be.
Tonight there would be no sirens he resolved, tonight there would be only a
bed, his family, and dreams of nights no longer needing a watch. Those dreams
were the best, those dreams were the ones he wished he could record and share
with his family. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Bright","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: RomanS;">“One day old man, one day we will watch only the dying
of the sun for enjoyment that after some darkness the light would once again be
there…,” Ricard spoke softly to himself. A wiry smile hung like an old picture moved
to often to ever sit right upon any wall. He gathered his senses about him again
and tilted forward in his chair. He took two small drinks fo water nd placed the
canteen back upon the wooden floor. His eyes never breaking from the horizon. For
now there was only the watch, a place too real for smiles or dreams. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-44362699320518721332012-10-04T00:17:00.001-07:002012-10-04T00:20:51.275-07:00A Silent Prayer for the Last of Us<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>A Silent Prayer for the Last of Us</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>By Jeff Lee</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5_KPq5l9ehxQcU30rW4JblvDvBP5qDIZjwfxWcZj_bW5cydw03kCexeeiAug_tOiDKLlTGc3etelg6zdP3XzBLp6hVrnj3PZYkBUpDRNg4VMiiqd30lIwBFor1heYgA1t7tUPd7dkKP0-/s1600/2011-07-20+04.36.49.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5_KPq5l9ehxQcU30rW4JblvDvBP5qDIZjwfxWcZj_bW5cydw03kCexeeiAug_tOiDKLlTGc3etelg6zdP3XzBLp6hVrnj3PZYkBUpDRNg4VMiiqd30lIwBFor1heYgA1t7tUPd7dkKP0-/s320/2011-07-20+04.36.49.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent prayer for the last of us </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The few who have not yet been freed</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent prayer for the last of us </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Those few that are blind to the things they will not see</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent prayer for the last of us </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whose numbers are dwindling still </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent prayer for the last of us </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who may yet push back from life’s table with bellies filled</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent prayer for the last of us </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The ones still enshrouded in pain </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent prayer for the last of us </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The ones who have forgotten how to make it back home again</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent prayer for the last of us </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Those shackled by the doubts of their mind</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent prayer for the last of us </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who will not are not looking for what they need to find</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent prayer for the last of us </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who brake under the pressure like falling rocks</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent prayer for the last of us </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who scream out in pain for relief but lack voices with which
they must talk</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent prayer for the last of us </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Those burning with longing for the land of honey and cream</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent prayer for the last of us </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The few that are tormented so much they feel pain even while
they dream</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent prayer for the last of us </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who need only be shown the way </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A silent pray for the last of us </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who once awakened will continue this pray some day</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-66135878840583891882012-10-03T02:49:00.002-07:002012-10-03T02:53:49.940-07:00A Dark Heart...<br />
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In the many years I have spent
wondering the earth in search of stuff and junk I often come back to the ideas
of light and darkness. These concepts are common place in the average person’s understanding
of time, good verse evil, and iconic yammering of hope. For me I know now
unlike I did when I was younger that I have what I call a heart of darkness.
There is a part of me at the core that is dark, not brooding like this month’s
movie heartthrob, but a flowing current of darkness like an oil spill across a
white snow covered plane. To note this is not just my own understanding this is
something I have had several people (including family members) tell me when
they try to relate their view of me to me. I came to understand that when
people get this impression of me it was one coated in a negative air. This of
course stems from the ideology that darkness = evil, menacing, and/or demonic.
To me when I look at that place in my heart I do not fear because I feel that
we as a people have been told to fear the dark as if it will creep into our
homes to steal away our very souls. So what I am getting at in a roundabout way
is why do we associate darkness with evil? </div>
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The idea that darkness equates to
evil comes from many different sources. First of which would be social stigma
taught to us as kids either through the retelling of verbal history or through religious
schooling. Honestly when was the first time you were told that dark things were
evil? Was it through a ghost story told around a camp fire, or possible via a
bible story which talked about the temptation of sin which clings to dark
thoughts or actions? But really is it just that idea of fear that breeds this
understanding, or is there something genetically coded into us that says if it
comes from the darkness you must fear it because it is evil. Having studied a
some anthropology and world philosophy I can tell you that in most of the major
religious practices, either olden or of today, there is a breaking of light and
dark which commonly happens at the very beginning. In the book of Genesis it
says that “God said let there be light and he saw it was good, God separated the
light from the darkness calling the light day and the darkness night.” In the
Greek mythology it says that the world was pulled from the void of chaotic
darkness that was. Even science tells us that the universe was nothing and then
either through the big band or strings or whatnot there was an explosion of
activity which lit up all existence leading to the point at which I am writing
this. You could say that the common point in all of these ideas is that at one
point there was nothing but darkness and then from it, or in it, or because of
it there was the creation of light. To me that would say that both light and
darkness are of the same stuff just two halves to a greater whole. </div>
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It is known that without the light
of the sun all life on this plane would die off. Even though we are not like
the plants which live off the sun we breathe the air they produce when doing
so. Also if the sun were to die out the ambient temperature would drop far
below zero and there is not enough blankets or fire wood to keep any amount of
space warm. So with that said one might
draw the conclusion that because at a cellular level we need the sun to live or
bodies create an image in our minds which relates to the idea that darkness =
death which is something most people fear all the time. Just like the fight or
flight response which kicks in when we are threatened, this same reaction could
be the cause of the rationalized learned behavior of seeing darkness as an
agent of evil intentions. I would say that my dark heart is not anything genetic,
but it could be that I fear death a bit less than others because biologically (due
to my childhood onset diabetes) my body is on the verge of death every moment
of every day. Viewing this understanding one could say that because I came to
terms with my own mortality at a very young age I was less likely to cling to
the light because I did not need it as others do to stay alive. I know some
might argue that my view of diabetes is incorrect, and yes they have a right to
it, but just as much right as I have to my view stated here. Either or to me it
makes some sense. </div>
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Moving on to my second point, I
offer the idea that society has given us the fear of the dark like it gave us
the idea that fat people are ugly. Think to yourself about how many scary
movies you have watched, or books you have read, or even new stories you have
heard about in which some heinous act happens at night in the dark. There are
countless examples of this no matter where you turn, but honesty some of the
worse crimes of humanity happened in the light of day. The holocaust was done
during both the day and the night, openly without regard or any effort to hide
it. Both attacks on America took place during the day. The crusades called for
a holy war to bring the light of Christian ideals to the holy lands and wipe
clean the dark stain of Muslim occupation. I say the crusades because it was
not a holy war it was battles fought for money and trade routes which kept both
kings and the church in power for centuries. On the converse of this yes, there
have been horrid things done at night by both men and women. But did they do
them at night because it was the darkness that called to them or was it more to
the effect that they were less likely to get caught? Jack the Ripper hunted
ladies of the evening (as a way to hide the illegitimate marriage of Prince
Albert to a whore) which drew people into their homes as soon as the sun went
down like he was made of shadow only able to strike at night. Also when you
look to the horror stories told to kids or adults they all take place at night because
it gives an air of dread, but again I am sure I could scare the pee out of you
with a story taking place in an open field during a bright sunny day with
bunnies and trees that grow nothing but jelly beans. The fact of the matter is
that we are told and then reminded that things go bump in the night so we must
fear the darkness around us. Again I say nay, and offer the idea that you could
just as well get bumped in the day just as you could in the night. </div>
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Lastly I say that for me it is the
darkest of heroes that are the best of all we have to look up to. Hellboy written
by Mike Mignola is for me one of the greatest heroes in the history of comic
books. He was born to bring about the end of the world, the son of a human
witch and a demon, and given for his right hand the key to unlock the old gods
which would destroy the world. His whole purpose for being is to chase the
light from the world and plunge us into darkness forever, but due to how he was
raised and who he chose to be he fought the darkness and came to terms with it.
In his own words he would say “I don’t care, and I am indifferent to the idea.” Does it mean that again light is better than
darkness, no it shows that those with a dark heart can do just as much good as
those claiming to be of the light. Another example would be Batman created by
Bob Kane. Batman chose to take up the mantle of darkness, shrouding himself in
it so that he could strike fear into the hearts of bad guys. He took his own
darkness (caused by the death of his parents) and turned it into a weapon for
justice. He is even referred to as the Dark Knight, but does that mean he is
evil? Again no, he just used what he had
and made it positive. Finally I will cover Luke Skywalker created by George Lucas and played by Mark Hamill in the movie <i>Star Wars</i>, who fought against
the dark side of the force. You may say “hey he fights the dark, so that proves
it is evil.” I would say no, Luke was able to defeat his father, a dark lord of
the Sith, because he understood that it was neither light nor dark that was
better. It was the balance of the two that made him as powerful as he was. He
had anger, and love which were said to lead to the dark side, but he also had
logic and compassion which were aspects of the light side. It was this balance
that gave him his strength, not the separation of the two. All and all each one
of these heroes carried with them a heart of darkness, but in their own way
they found strength in it and used it to be just as good as any light bearer. </div>
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Now finally if you are still with
me (and I did not lose you when I broke into comics book heroes) I will say
what is the point of making this statement? To me the point is that I am who I
am and accept the fact that in me I have a dark heart. This aspect of me does
not make me evil, or sadistic, or twisted. It only makes up a part of who I am,
and if I did not accept it, or tried to fix it would I not be doing harm/ evil
to myself in the process? I use this part of me in many ways, most of all in
understanding and relating to the world around me. I also use it to write both
creatively and honestly so that I am speaking with a voice that is my own. I
will not fight against your ideas on light and dark, but I will point out that
in the color black, the color we all
associate with darkness, there is every color that we know no the complete
absence of color like white is. If you don’t believe me then take a moment to
draw a solid black circle on a white piece of paper with a sharpie. Once you do
that take some rubbing alcohol and drop one or two drops into the center of
that circle. What you will see is the bleeding of all the colors contained
within that black spot. It’s actually a really cool experiment and a cheap way
to dye clothes, point being that even in the color we associate with darkness
there is every other color that we would say is light and good. I may pump
darkness through my veins, but in that blood there is also the understanding of
good even without the light to justify it. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1903356758566135638.post-9598097965272057952012-09-28T03:49:00.002-07:002012-09-28T03:52:40.766-07:00Wording at the cost of what?<br />
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For a matter of consideration I throw
out the idea that we as a society are too far to the left on shortening the
meaning/ wording on phrases. I am not referring to the common speak of
teenagers of the day which cut out as many letters as possible to save on
texting fees. I am however referring to the practice of signs once very clear with
precise wording now being cut down to minimal levels of words to save money.
For my proof I give you the below picture of the sign which hangs over every
bathroom door in my office<span style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-indent: 0.5in;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1903356758566135638" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </a></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJN7htrzQ0ER_661qd-kUVBASKaqn7CSyWyz-UDVFa7R0GXuV9ihjI7RmHUWZm3nWPmUF73udLPnB9LmLWdAcloj2cEdh6HykPyAbrHBnekYSqYABhlFhl05d3wc8cyj9_quMidEB8LufB/s1600/New+Image.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJN7htrzQ0ER_661qd-kUVBASKaqn7CSyWyz-UDVFa7R0GXuV9ihjI7RmHUWZm3nWPmUF73udLPnB9LmLWdAcloj2cEdh6HykPyAbrHBnekYSqYABhlFhl05d3wc8cyj9_quMidEB8LufB/s320/New+Image.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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As you can see the sign’s intended
message is met clearly allowing one to infer that employees are required to
wash their hands. The viewer,having some understanding of society and a modicum
amount of common sense, would see the sign’s location and infer that the
washing it happening after an employee uses the restroom. The problem that I
have with it is that due to either cost of space the message is shorted so that
you have to think about it. Not that thinking is bad, but honestly you could go
any direction with this if you where trying to be literal about it. </div>
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For instance whose hands are you
washing? Do the employees wash their own or randomly grab someone and demand to
wash their hands? I could see (through the clouded shroud of my own madness)
roaming bands of my co-workers scouring the cubicles and offices snatching
hands away from lunches, or phones, or at the very least the latest internet
videos. The horror of it, as the madness progresses and we are left with the
weaker of the techs screaming in pain as they try to struggle away from the
paper cutter which has been modified to resemble a French revolution ear guillotine.
Drawing more fear than the screams is the jangle of severed hands strung
loosely via Ethernet cable around the necks of those strong enough to not be
put before the blade. Eventually I would assume that rough exchange rates would
be established based upon size or finger count, or attached jewelry which of
course would lead to trading over the best food stuffs from the vending
machines. Give or take the age of a hand I would give a guess that my own would
go for a cookie ice cream sandwich with a soda or coffee on the side. </div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1903356758566135638" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1903356758566135638" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1903356758566135638" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>Moving on, another note about the
sign is that is does not give a time frame of when the hand washing should be
done. Do we do it after we use the bathroom? Maybe we do it before we go just
in case you have to wipe and you blew your nose earlier in the day. Again the scenario
that runs through my mind is a bunch of techies who do little or no cleaning around
their work space given a pass to not wash their hands after use noting to themselves
that they can just do it when they get home. Worse case we end up with a super
germ which has been passed from gamer hands via keyboard via snotty wipe
combined with cheetoes and code red and brough to a simmer with an office
internal environment which lacks air conditioning. The hypothesized germ which
I have named IT virus (short for internal terror) would most likely eat away at
the part of the brain that signals complaints or idiotic yammering about emails
not working, which for us as techs is fine but for our bosses it is a loss of
revenue and finding a job right now is not cool. </div>
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Also leaving the time frame for
washing open could lead to a subconscious response to wash hands at random times
of the day, such as while riding a bike, or reading a book. In both cases you
are going to end up with a bad trip and a loss of personal goods. Worse yet you
could be having the sexy times with your partner and boom you have to wash your
hands. That leads to awkward conversations about hygiene, smells and the
overall loss of personal goods (as he or she smashes your things in reaction to
your inability to explain why you had to wash your hands). </div>
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All and all I would say that the
thought thread that developed when I first saw the sign was fun but
unproductive. So I leave it to you to ponder. Should we cut back on wording for
the sack of price or space only to end up making the already borderline insane
guy begin planning a fair open trade exchange based on the length of say
fingernails on the open market? </div>
<br />
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16178677947528604360noreply@blogger.com0