Sounds odd? You bet it does but it is really any stranger
than some of the stuff other people do in the bathroom? We’ll yeah I know I
have not explained anything about what a bathroom wish is, but when I get there
I am hoping you will say “oh yeah, that’s not weird or strange, we’ll not as
strange as me picking ingrown hairs from the back of my knee cap while singing
Tiny Dancer by Elton John.” See now we are on the same page and I feel honestly
we can progress as equally accounted individuals, if not please laugh all you
like at my weird habit as it will give you wrinkles and make you look older,
you old looking prune face….
Okay bad blood behind us moving on to the adventure, yes I
am as sorry about what I wrote back there as the stuff you were thinking while
you read it, fake hug, and off we go. So bathroom wishes, what are they, why do
I make them, no it’s not a sexual thing. When I go in to use the restroom I
find that when I sit down to make the business my mind is clearer and more
likely to wonder to the things that I may want out of life. Not sure why my
mind does this all I can rationalize is that I am relieved enough to give
myself permission to want something bigger and grander than what I already have
in life (again not a sexual thing…sickos). I because of this will get the idea
in my head of go ahead and make your three wishes or one great wish, but make
sure to be clear so that whatever magical creature is giving you this wish will
understand and not hand you a twenty inch BIC (now you can laugh…that one was
sexual). So to give you a lineup of some of the things I make when pondering my
bathroom wishes for here are the top five that I have come up with.
5. To have all the powers of Superman
Yes it has been a dream of mine
to have all the powers of one of earth’s mightiest heroes Superman. Really when
you think about who would not want to be able to fly, be super strong, super quickness,
laser vision, ice breath, real parents who were dead so they could not call you
on the weekend and ask you how to use the internet when you are trying to sleep
(I love you Mom I do, by the way you are down to 3 tech calls). Well at least
for most I would say yes to all of the above. This wish could cause problems
because being diabetic I need insulin injections, so with the invulnerability
of Superman I would need kryptonite tipped needles just to keep my injections
going. Also with that much strength the whole world would be the same tinsel strength
of tissue paper and I am pretty sure I don’t have the money to be replacing
doors, computers, and people every other day due to not knowing my own strength.
It is for these reasons that this wish makes number 5.
4. To have the jumper power from the movie Jumper.
I know believe me I know that movie
in and of itself was bad. But the key thing to take away from it other than an
acidic disappointment burning in the back of your throat is the awesome power
in and of itself. To be able to look at a picture or think of a place you once
were and bamf you are there would be awesome. Oh I have to use the restroom and
I am at school which only has dirty gross bathrooms, bamf you are home and
pooping without issue. Think of the crimes you could commit walk into a bank
look at the vault and bamf in later got collect the loot or oh look a girls
locker room which had the door open long enough for me to see inside, bamf
hello goodbye and thank you ladies. Though the downside would be the lazy
factor of never really having to walk away where ever again just jump to the
couch, then to the kitchen, then to the bathroom, computer whatever I could see
at least 200 pounds of weight gain with that much lazy unless jumping burns
calories like crazy. Or even worse you and your significant other are having
the sexy time and bamf you are standing in the living room of your parent’s
house trying to cover your shame before your Dad looks up from his nightly CNN
news break. Also as note you most likely would have to make the creature giving
you the wishes watch the movie and by the end of it they may just throw up into
the sun. The chance of other stuff becoming an issue is why this one goes to
number 4 on the bathroom wish list.
3. The ability to jump into and out of any book, movie,
picture, ECT…
This one I could have too much
fun with but could also break a lot of reality at the same time. This ability
would allow me to go into and come out of any type of media such as movies, TV,
books, magazines, and paintings. For instance I jump into The Losers at the scene where they are opening the cargo bin full
of money. I grab as much as I can and step out of the movie with hands full of
money that is now real in our world. A huge incentive here to keep going back
in till all the money is gone and sitting on your living room floor or evil
bank vault. Also what ever happened to you in the world you jumped into would
be real here, so you jump into Spiderman and get bitten by the radioactive
spider and boom you are now Spiderman spider man doing all the things a spider
can. As well you could jump into books that you hate just to smack Bella in the
face and tell her to stop whining about everything. The possibilities are
endless though the problem with this one would be getting too much overlap and
ending up jumping into a book or movie at the wrong point only to hear the
twang of a banjo and a redneck saying you got a pretty mouth. For shear
confusion factor this one ends up at three on the list though I do feel
swinging around with a light saber while controlling a giant anime robot would
be pretty cool but hard to explain to the neighbors.
2. 100 Billion Dollars
Honestly who in their right mind
would not wish for a whole crap ton of money if they were given wishes. The
question here is why is this not at the top of my list well that is because of
the responsibility that comes with it. If I had that much money I would have to
help out my friends and family with their bills buying houses and cars like
there was nothing better to do on my Tuesday afternoon. But then people I don’t
know would want money and it would become a death match fight in the desert where
two men enter and one man leaves. Honestly there are too many questions and
digging holes for my taste so that is why this wish sits at the two.
1. The ability to
make multiple copies of myself.
Okay so here is the big one a
wish that if I could get it to come true would solve a lot of issues. This
ability would be such that I could make multiple copies of myself whom would
act, talk and have all the memories that I do. As a plus the clones when
deleted would send their info back to me so that I knew what they had been up to.
I could get so much stuff done at once that I am not sure there would be enough
knowledge on the plant to fill the hunger of my many brains. I could send one
to work, another one to another work, one to clean the house, one to read a
book, several to get degrees across multiple programs and if I needed to see
what I should ware of the day I could have one just stand there while I hold
stuff up. The problem here would be that I know myself pretty well and I am
sure that my clones would argue with me when I gave them orders because as said
they are just like me. There would be issues with sharing while playing video
games as well as no one would want to be the one to go to work let alone go to
several jobs. It would be a mess and I could see the only way to make it work
would be to turn to a life of crime as the thrill would keep me and my many
clones on the run. Also you never really know what lays deep at the bottom of
your subconscious mind so to have one of my clone’s memories come back to me
and be scared by it is more than I could take because I would be ashamed I did
not think of it first, stupid jerk clone.
So that is my list of bathroom wishes
it may still seem strange or weird but hey give it a try. Go sit on the toilet
and clear your mind and see what comes up. Maybe you will be the lucky one of
use that just happened to pull the magic roll of toilet paper that contains a genie
who was trapped for millennia in the tree the roll was made from. Best of luck
and good wishing as well don’t forget to flush.