April 30
DOUBT
A poem by Jeff Lee
We held it in the heart and called it truth
A simple act or idea given taken returned and rewritten
The foundation of actions for which banners are carried and battles are cried
In effort to build the world around us as something bigger than us
Then the dark came
It bled into the pure waters we all drank from
It spilled ink across the clean unwritten pages we held as ideals
It became the little black spot on the sun that brightened our days
It was the very soul of us all but moved in ways we never thought possible
It ate at our tables
It drank from our cups
It played with our children
It slept in our beds
A houseguest that became an assumed roommate in the corridors of our minds
It aged us
It beat us
It teased us
It became us
Our faces were mirrors to it, a place it could check its teeth and brush its hair
It had merit
It had weight
It had validity
It could stand up in court
It had us
We gave ourselves to it and asked only for more
It drove us
It was us
And we let it
Only to find that once we asked what it was it already had bred inside us
Now there is nothing left but it
Now all we have is it
And we will never let it go for it will kill us
And even death is still feared above it for without it there is no after as there never was a before
There is no helping us
There is no holding us
There is no fixing us
There is no saving us
There is no us
There is only it, and we would have it no other way
A poem by Jeff Lee
We held it in the heart and called it truth
A simple act or idea given taken returned and rewritten
The foundation of actions for which banners are carried and battles are cried
In effort to build the world around us as something bigger than us
Then the dark came
It bled into the pure waters we all drank from
It spilled ink across the clean unwritten pages we held as ideals
It became the little black spot on the sun that brightened our days
It was the very soul of us all but moved in ways we never thought possible
It ate at our tables
It drank from our cups
It played with our children
It slept in our beds
A houseguest that became an assumed roommate in the corridors of our minds
It aged us
It beat us
It teased us
It became us
Our faces were mirrors to it, a place it could check its teeth and brush its hair
It had merit
It had weight
It had validity
It could stand up in court
It had us
We gave ourselves to it and asked only for more
It drove us
It was us
And we let it
Only to find that once we asked what it was it already had bred inside us
Now there is nothing left but it
Now all we have is it
And we will never let it go for it will kill us
And even death is still feared above it for without it there is no after as there never was a before
There is no helping us
There is no holding us
There is no fixing us
There is no saving us
There is no us
There is only it, and we would have it no other way
April 29
Am I am when i am in
company
Am I not when I am alone
Am I something when seen
Am I nothing in places I've been
Am I feeling when I am entrapped
Am I hollow when I am un mapped
Am I an idea if I am
Am I an afterthought if I am not
Am I not when I am alone
Am I something when seen
Am I nothing in places I've been
Am I feeling when I am entrapped
Am I hollow when I am un mapped
Am I an idea if I am
Am I an afterthought if I am not
April 24th
Some times you find
madness
Some times you find pain
Some times you find love
Some times you find them all in the same place
Some times you find pain
Some times you find love
Some times you find them all in the same place
April 22
i want nothing from me
but fire
I want nothing from you but presence
i want nothing from the world but foundation
I want nothing from eternity but being
I want nothing from you but you
I want nothing from me but me
I want nothing all but nothing but love in a moment
I want nothing but from us but the endless sea
I want nothing from you but presence
i want nothing from the world but foundation
I want nothing from eternity but being
I want nothing from you but you
I want nothing from me but me
I want nothing all but nothing but love in a moment
I want nothing but from us but the endless sea
April 16
Fumbled thoughts, dark
delighted deeds
Furious fires, logical tyranny breeds
Tight woven ideas tied constricted heart strings
A man who is mortal shall never be king
Raged ragged rough yelled mountain tops
Views from above pause angels wing flutters stop
Merge the merry, merry the worth
Given to the needy, need those spilled over by mirth
Die in the moment forever of time
Seek internal justice for uncommitted crimes
Dark days between moons lighted nights
Peacefully disclosed hardships set right
Swoop in from the shadow
Dance down like the rain
Sing loudly of harrowed
Laugh shyly upon the profane
Wake from the madness
Shower out water run red
Shave close around grown sadness
Dress proudly for the dead
Furious fires, logical tyranny breeds
Tight woven ideas tied constricted heart strings
A man who is mortal shall never be king
Raged ragged rough yelled mountain tops
Views from above pause angels wing flutters stop
Merge the merry, merry the worth
Given to the needy, need those spilled over by mirth
Die in the moment forever of time
Seek internal justice for uncommitted crimes
Dark days between moons lighted nights
Peacefully disclosed hardships set right
Swoop in from the shadow
Dance down like the rain
Sing loudly of harrowed
Laugh shyly upon the profane
Wake from the madness
Shower out water run red
Shave close around grown sadness
Dress proudly for the dead
April 15
There once was a maiden
so fair
Whose beauty was far beyond compare
One day her mirror did crash
Throwing bits and shards of glass
Now all she sees is hundreds and hundreds of gnarled glares
A servant quick entered with a broom
Finding the main showed in gloom
“The mirror broken and lost”
“But with each action there comes a cost”
So echoed with darkness a voice foretold of doom
Whose beauty was far beyond compare
One day her mirror did crash
Throwing bits and shards of glass
Now all she sees is hundreds and hundreds of gnarled glares
A servant quick entered with a broom
Finding the main showed in gloom
“The mirror broken and lost”
“But with each action there comes a cost”
So echoed with darkness a voice foretold of doom
April 14
Funny to find myself here
again
In the places where I am surrounded by friends
I smile not because I can
I smile because there is love where I am
Oh to be isolated for so long
Then to be amongst a chorus singing songs
Voices different but much like mine
Each full of fire burning bright intertwined
How could I ever be alone
When I stand welcome in another’s home
How could I have ever had muscles to make a frown
While I fall back into their voices ready to drown
Its madness my mind says to me
We have no worth to merit a feeling of free
Hush I tell it noting in retort for this brains are no so smart
As they gather around I give in and being thinking with my heart
In the places where I am surrounded by friends
I smile not because I can
I smile because there is love where I am
Oh to be isolated for so long
Then to be amongst a chorus singing songs
Voices different but much like mine
Each full of fire burning bright intertwined
How could I ever be alone
When I stand welcome in another’s home
How could I have ever had muscles to make a frown
While I fall back into their voices ready to drown
Its madness my mind says to me
We have no worth to merit a feeling of free
Hush I tell it noting in retort for this brains are no so smart
As they gather around I give in and being thinking with my heart
April 12
Dark fall was the name
they gave to define
The end of light when the hour struck nye
A lasting pitch thick as tar to drown out the sun divine
A meeting of two endless foes cut a thin bright line
Here forever and now gone in a blink
Leaving stumbling fools bumping against one another
All lost, blinded laid down decaying in stink
A grand game of hide and seek never lacking in cover
I am told we last with dim light artificial
Burning the earth so that we may see where we stood
But as the energy died out they blew away like dry thistles
Dim then to dark we understood we had not done what we should
It will come back I heard my grandfather say
The planet will turn and shrug it off too warm for its dark blanket
We will all be woken up to that bright glorious day
It has to be true if any of us are to make it
I comb the hair from his brow while he told me the tale
The once flowing threads now like his heart feeble, tired run thin
I had no heart to tell him that all hope must eventually fail
Yes grandfather on that day our new life will begin
He passed two days later not that any could tell
When all is dark and it always will be
There was no longer sunsets or sunrise or clocks or bells
No point to keep time, no reason to turn a wind up key
I feel asleep at my point no longer after he died
He was my guide and my voice from which I learned all
I know to be honest I should let myself cry
I now understood that even the might must fall
I must has gotten lost in the dream lands that sleep
I saw places and people all glowing with light
They were all happy, no moaning, or crying, no sadness no weeps
Then a hand reached out saying come son it will be alright
I found them both lying under blankets made of straw
To huddled husks together quiet like babes
These humans so afraid they dug deep in their withdraw
Every day we find more bodies dead hidden in caves
To left out of fear knowing not why they ran
Digging hard and long trying any escape
So many got lost trying in vain to save their kin and their clan
Never again seeing light never knowing earths fate
The end of light when the hour struck nye
A lasting pitch thick as tar to drown out the sun divine
A meeting of two endless foes cut a thin bright line
Here forever and now gone in a blink
Leaving stumbling fools bumping against one another
All lost, blinded laid down decaying in stink
A grand game of hide and seek never lacking in cover
I am told we last with dim light artificial
Burning the earth so that we may see where we stood
But as the energy died out they blew away like dry thistles
Dim then to dark we understood we had not done what we should
It will come back I heard my grandfather say
The planet will turn and shrug it off too warm for its dark blanket
We will all be woken up to that bright glorious day
It has to be true if any of us are to make it
I comb the hair from his brow while he told me the tale
The once flowing threads now like his heart feeble, tired run thin
I had no heart to tell him that all hope must eventually fail
Yes grandfather on that day our new life will begin
He passed two days later not that any could tell
When all is dark and it always will be
There was no longer sunsets or sunrise or clocks or bells
No point to keep time, no reason to turn a wind up key
I feel asleep at my point no longer after he died
He was my guide and my voice from which I learned all
I know to be honest I should let myself cry
I now understood that even the might must fall
I must has gotten lost in the dream lands that sleep
I saw places and people all glowing with light
They were all happy, no moaning, or crying, no sadness no weeps
Then a hand reached out saying come son it will be alright
I found them both lying under blankets made of straw
To huddled husks together quiet like babes
These humans so afraid they dug deep in their withdraw
Every day we find more bodies dead hidden in caves
To left out of fear knowing not why they ran
Digging hard and long trying any escape
So many got lost trying in vain to save their kin and their clan
Never again seeing light never knowing earths fate
April 11
The sweat smell of her is
hard escape
Wet with morning’s waking dew her scent fills my nose
The sensation of her presence there behind me
Could there be more fire than in the warmth of her skin
Shivering still as I run my hand gently down exposed flesh
Sparks bright but unseen strike out with pointed spears raging against my invasion
I draw breath from her
My lungs fill with moisture, sunlight and song
I hold it as long as I can before exhaling
Knowing the air I take in from her will run rivers of blood through my veins
She is my life blood and the reason why I still breathe
I inch closer to her wanting to feel the warm rapture of her being
Slowing with caution as to not wake her from silent slumber
But I move with clumsy actions raising small tremors across the space between us
I shall shake her awake if I am not careful, but could that be what I want all along
“Hello there stranger,” echoes angels in chorus
“I am sorry, you were just too perfect for me to resist,” I answer feeling shame in my action
“Come closer, rock with me to sleep,” she answers all forgiven and all forgot
I spread my arms wide to encircle her whole
I feel every part of her pushing back against me as gravity asks like cupid between us
“There now, could there be anything more natural than this,” she questions
“No, there is nothing more natural than you,” I return
She rocks as I roll calling sleep back to cover us with sand
She is my everything, she is my life, she is my foundation, and she is my lasting memory of heaven
She is my miles of crossed hell marked by scars defining my soul
“Never leave me,” she commands
“Never I shall,” I comply
Quiet again now she and I are, a moonlight face pressed against the dark blanket of space
She is my earth, and I am her moon
Without her I am cast upon an endless sea of empty existence
Without me she has no tide to define shores and no brightness in the pitch of night
We sleep, as we always will, always apart of each other’s orbit.
Wet with morning’s waking dew her scent fills my nose
The sensation of her presence there behind me
Could there be more fire than in the warmth of her skin
Shivering still as I run my hand gently down exposed flesh
Sparks bright but unseen strike out with pointed spears raging against my invasion
I draw breath from her
My lungs fill with moisture, sunlight and song
I hold it as long as I can before exhaling
Knowing the air I take in from her will run rivers of blood through my veins
She is my life blood and the reason why I still breathe
I inch closer to her wanting to feel the warm rapture of her being
Slowing with caution as to not wake her from silent slumber
But I move with clumsy actions raising small tremors across the space between us
I shall shake her awake if I am not careful, but could that be what I want all along
“Hello there stranger,” echoes angels in chorus
“I am sorry, you were just too perfect for me to resist,” I answer feeling shame in my action
“Come closer, rock with me to sleep,” she answers all forgiven and all forgot
I spread my arms wide to encircle her whole
I feel every part of her pushing back against me as gravity asks like cupid between us
“There now, could there be anything more natural than this,” she questions
“No, there is nothing more natural than you,” I return
She rocks as I roll calling sleep back to cover us with sand
She is my everything, she is my life, she is my foundation, and she is my lasting memory of heaven
She is my miles of crossed hell marked by scars defining my soul
“Never leave me,” she commands
“Never I shall,” I comply
Quiet again now she and I are, a moonlight face pressed against the dark blanket of space
She is my earth, and I am her moon
Without her I am cast upon an endless sea of empty existence
Without me she has no tide to define shores and no brightness in the pitch of night
We sleep, as we always will, always apart of each other’s orbit.
April 9th
A funny thing happened on
my way to catch a train
As I exited my home a single cloud acme low bursting forth with turbulent rain
I hailed a taxi but was passed by again and again
One finally stopped waving my in with face smiling but plain
Once seated I gave directions but was misunderstood to my distain
To the depot on 7th the one painted like amber waves of grain
When asked once again it was my anger I had to restrain
“The place of the choo choos, hurry up you birdbrain”
I was forced to exit on the corner of 2nd and Main
“By the gods how much more woe could this day possibly contain?”
To answer my question I was hit by a bike which truly rattled my chains
“I am sorry my friend, I did try to avoid you in vain.”
I grumbled a reply thinking of his bike lit brightly by burning butane
The time running short I took off my leg feeling crippled by pain
Racing down the street I hastily hoped there was time I could regain
My footfalls endless and my thoughts mostly profane
Street after street passing people and shops while nursing a possible sprain
Turning a corner there was the glorious sight of the goal I longed to obtain
Crossing the street watching my path keeping my excitement abstained
I entered the station checking the board only to find that our departure was detained
I fell back into a bench heavy with grief wishing a condition more humane
I must had nodded off for I woke to the sounding of bells and a shirt quite wrinkled and tear-stained
“All aboard,” called a porter his voice echoing like an old fashioned bi-plane
I jumped to my feet grabbing my bag putting my feet in front of my midplane
As I made way the idea of departure was one I reluctantly entertained
After all that had happened to be met with discourse surely would drive me insane
But there it stood glorious shining a smoke stake roaring forth steam like a billowing mane
I entered my cabin and stowed my bag in a locker which was easy to attain
I sat down with relief the worry biting my mind becoming less inane
An elderly chap enter not long after walking supported by old fashion cane
“You look rather haggard, like your journey may be filled with torturous bane?”
I nodded with sly smile aying only, “oh I can’t really complain.”
As I exited my home a single cloud acme low bursting forth with turbulent rain
I hailed a taxi but was passed by again and again
One finally stopped waving my in with face smiling but plain
Once seated I gave directions but was misunderstood to my distain
To the depot on 7th the one painted like amber waves of grain
When asked once again it was my anger I had to restrain
“The place of the choo choos, hurry up you birdbrain”
I was forced to exit on the corner of 2nd and Main
“By the gods how much more woe could this day possibly contain?”
To answer my question I was hit by a bike which truly rattled my chains
“I am sorry my friend, I did try to avoid you in vain.”
I grumbled a reply thinking of his bike lit brightly by burning butane
The time running short I took off my leg feeling crippled by pain
Racing down the street I hastily hoped there was time I could regain
My footfalls endless and my thoughts mostly profane
Street after street passing people and shops while nursing a possible sprain
Turning a corner there was the glorious sight of the goal I longed to obtain
Crossing the street watching my path keeping my excitement abstained
I entered the station checking the board only to find that our departure was detained
I fell back into a bench heavy with grief wishing a condition more humane
I must had nodded off for I woke to the sounding of bells and a shirt quite wrinkled and tear-stained
“All aboard,” called a porter his voice echoing like an old fashioned bi-plane
I jumped to my feet grabbing my bag putting my feet in front of my midplane
As I made way the idea of departure was one I reluctantly entertained
After all that had happened to be met with discourse surely would drive me insane
But there it stood glorious shining a smoke stake roaring forth steam like a billowing mane
I entered my cabin and stowed my bag in a locker which was easy to attain
I sat down with relief the worry biting my mind becoming less inane
An elderly chap enter not long after walking supported by old fashion cane
“You look rather haggard, like your journey may be filled with torturous bane?”
I nodded with sly smile aying only, “oh I can’t really complain.”
April 8
Dancing devil drenched in
fright
Fools folly fumbled found cost
Cooks coated concoctions conjuring delights
Dared dim dirge derelict destinations lost
Laughing longing liquid lustful games
Gathering ganders gratefully given boasts
Burning bright boundless flames
Following fluid forthcoming founded toasts
Tearing terror triumph tailed to victors
Valiant verbose vagabonds vocally shout
Sounding songs sung soulfully sound mixers
Making mad mounds multiplied my bout
Bring bounded backed blank books before me
My most memorable machinations must memories make
Many might masters must make ready
Read rightfully response rate rallied stakes
Sturdy structured sentences written
With willfully wanting wording given
Fools folly fumbled found cost
Cooks coated concoctions conjuring delights
Dared dim dirge derelict destinations lost
Laughing longing liquid lustful games
Gathering ganders gratefully given boasts
Burning bright boundless flames
Following fluid forthcoming founded toasts
Tearing terror triumph tailed to victors
Valiant verbose vagabonds vocally shout
Sounding songs sung soulfully sound mixers
Making mad mounds multiplied my bout
Bring bounded backed blank books before me
My most memorable machinations must memories make
Many might masters must make ready
Read rightfully response rate rallied stakes
Sturdy structured sentences written
With willfully wanting wording given
April 7
Those steps you hear
behind you are your past
The footfalls before you are your future
The tip toes along side you are things that will not last
The dances across from you are your culture
The stomping around you is your screaming
The crawling beneath you is your loss
The flying about you is your dreaming
The next step you take may have a cost
The path that you see is your own
So chose how your feet shall fall
Look for guidance from the whispers of you bones
Set your pace only when you hear the right call
The point of life is to keep moving
Even when it is only to stand in one place
So know that your journey is not about proving
It is yours to take hold yours only to look on and face
The footfalls before you are your future
The tip toes along side you are things that will not last
The dances across from you are your culture
The stomping around you is your screaming
The crawling beneath you is your loss
The flying about you is your dreaming
The next step you take may have a cost
The path that you see is your own
So chose how your feet shall fall
Look for guidance from the whispers of you bones
Set your pace only when you hear the right call
The point of life is to keep moving
Even when it is only to stand in one place
So know that your journey is not about proving
It is yours to take hold yours only to look on and face
April 6th
Crunch sounds dead leaves
like fire catching
The smell of earth and fresh dew hang in the air
The darkness breaths deep in each hollow
The ground is uneven alive with its moving
Each foot fall beats deep foreboding heavy with gloom
It would be madness to stop to listen
To catch those that linger hidden in the dark
It would be death to be heard
But the worth far out weights all proposed terror
The bark on the trees like walls catches ever action
Each board sending signals as nerves in the hand touching flesh
Be quiet and see nothing
Be nothing and keep to the unseen
A moment to long kept in pondering
Leads to nothing hung heavy in sacks made for treasure
Then from the shadows comes presence
A pressure fills our empty space
Like a shark sensing prey in its wake
A hunter has entered the room
Moonlight gives nothing but questions
Dim beauty it shows catching dust dancing between beams
As light reflects more within than without
Fear of next actions had hearts pounding
Throats raw stretched clenched holding back shouts
“I know you are there” comes the voice
A hardness of steal cutting from each spoken tone
“Return to the places you should be resting.”
No raise in volume but each word echoes with boom
The shadow slinks back into true shadow
The pressure in the water has gone
A step from each foot is now taken
A prize is just around the bend shall be ours
To stop now would end all adventure
To terry would bring hells wrath upon us
So we move knowing the moment is too soon
Out from the darkness comes form
A hand outstretched filled with malice
It takes hold and we know we are doomed
“Get back to bed little terrors”
“The witching hours has past”
“Go back to your room and find slumber”
“The cookies have all been consumed”
The smell of earth and fresh dew hang in the air
The darkness breaths deep in each hollow
The ground is uneven alive with its moving
Each foot fall beats deep foreboding heavy with gloom
It would be madness to stop to listen
To catch those that linger hidden in the dark
It would be death to be heard
But the worth far out weights all proposed terror
The bark on the trees like walls catches ever action
Each board sending signals as nerves in the hand touching flesh
Be quiet and see nothing
Be nothing and keep to the unseen
A moment to long kept in pondering
Leads to nothing hung heavy in sacks made for treasure
Then from the shadows comes presence
A pressure fills our empty space
Like a shark sensing prey in its wake
A hunter has entered the room
Moonlight gives nothing but questions
Dim beauty it shows catching dust dancing between beams
As light reflects more within than without
Fear of next actions had hearts pounding
Throats raw stretched clenched holding back shouts
“I know you are there” comes the voice
A hardness of steal cutting from each spoken tone
“Return to the places you should be resting.”
No raise in volume but each word echoes with boom
The shadow slinks back into true shadow
The pressure in the water has gone
A step from each foot is now taken
A prize is just around the bend shall be ours
To stop now would end all adventure
To terry would bring hells wrath upon us
So we move knowing the moment is too soon
Out from the darkness comes form
A hand outstretched filled with malice
It takes hold and we know we are doomed
“Get back to bed little terrors”
“The witching hours has past”
“Go back to your room and find slumber”
“The cookies have all been consumed”
April 4th
Could it be could it say
that it is the dueling ideals that man own foreplay
To know the right but seek out the wrong
To set fire to bridges were footsteps still fall
To say the terrible cutting truth of things no one else saw
Are we real human or do we obly play at being men
When all along we are beasts whose wills cannot bend
Given freedom of law or moral or belief
To run wild and terrible but washed clean of our grief
I say let loose that howl and bail to the moon
Call fury and thunder upon those for whom you need doom
Pull back your smile and show us your teeth
Bite deep into flesh to let loose the blood flown beneath
Am I only a man when I know it is wrong
Or am I truly a man while my humanity is long gone
Cannot rage birth a river
Cannot anger cause steam
Cannot sadness end screams
Cannot hunger bring solace when our true faces are seen
Is there not light in the darkness
Is there not blood at first birth
Is there not pain wrapped in success warmed wholly by mirth
Am I mad for just thinking I am not only a man
Am I crazy for believing that I am more than I am
If my station grows old and my britches confine rather than fit
Should I only buy more to pile on top of my old broke down shit
Or if I gave myself chance to just once feel like the wind
Talk honest and loving to those of my kin
To grab hold of my love and kiss her with endless passion
To dress my ideas and my person in an animal fashion
Could I finally be whole
Could I finally be free
Or would I be locked away for remembering what it should be to be me ?
To know the right but seek out the wrong
To set fire to bridges were footsteps still fall
To say the terrible cutting truth of things no one else saw
Are we real human or do we obly play at being men
When all along we are beasts whose wills cannot bend
Given freedom of law or moral or belief
To run wild and terrible but washed clean of our grief
I say let loose that howl and bail to the moon
Call fury and thunder upon those for whom you need doom
Pull back your smile and show us your teeth
Bite deep into flesh to let loose the blood flown beneath
Am I only a man when I know it is wrong
Or am I truly a man while my humanity is long gone
Cannot rage birth a river
Cannot anger cause steam
Cannot sadness end screams
Cannot hunger bring solace when our true faces are seen
Is there not light in the darkness
Is there not blood at first birth
Is there not pain wrapped in success warmed wholly by mirth
Am I mad for just thinking I am not only a man
Am I crazy for believing that I am more than I am
If my station grows old and my britches confine rather than fit
Should I only buy more to pile on top of my old broke down shit
Or if I gave myself chance to just once feel like the wind
Talk honest and loving to those of my kin
To grab hold of my love and kiss her with endless passion
To dress my ideas and my person in an animal fashion
Could I finally be whole
Could I finally be free
Or would I be locked away for remembering what it should be to be me ?
April 3rd
I worry about what life
is left in these old bones
I wonder at the knowledge kept in these faded tomes
I want to keep shelter in these dilapidated homes
I wish to understand the wisdom spoken by these aged crones
I worship the magic held in the endless unknown
I wait to put down fires from rage homegrown
I wander the path but seek return to forgotten a hearthstone
I wonder at the knowledge kept in these faded tomes
I want to keep shelter in these dilapidated homes
I wish to understand the wisdom spoken by these aged crones
I worship the magic held in the endless unknown
I wait to put down fires from rage homegrown
I wander the path but seek return to forgotten a hearthstone
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