Monday, January 25, 2016

A Process

The everything sits in front of me 
It lingers right before me 
It sings and dance around me 
And I just want it to be gone

Something more than trapped
Something more than held 
Something less than hurt
Something less than loved
And as I end it will never be gone

So many battles to break me 
So many deaths to revive me 
So little time to save me
So little hope to give me up 
And it wants me, and I am already gone

No more pain and I give me freedom
No more horror to make me smile 
No more fire to make me cold
No more loss to fill me up 
And what I want never has existed 

Now I am unlearning of the known
Now I am free to be scared 
Now I am proud of my folly 
Now I am happy in my home 
And all I want is already here 
And all that I am is all that I am 

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Folding Paper

The paper is flat, clean, and perfect.

It is early, and the phone is ringing.
“Hello, who is this?”
“It’s me, she was in an accident, get here, get here quickly.”
It is late, and my ears are ringing.

The paper folds in half once.

 Black, cold, speed pounding against my windshield.
Lights, red and blue flashing behind me, blinding me.
“Son, you know how fast you were going?”
“No, I don’t care, she is dying, she needs me, have to get there.”
He walks away, he returns, he says to follow him.
Lights, red and blue flashing before me, guiding me.

The paper folds in half again.

I stop, I breathe, I open the door, everything is hot.
“Hello, please tell me where she is.”
“Down the hall, be quick, time is short.”
“Son, stop! You can’t go in. You have to wait.”
“NO! You said get here, you said get here quick.”
“I know, she is not responding. We need to talk about it.”
I stop, I breathe again, I look at her, everything goes cold.

The paper folds in half again, not as cleanly as before.

I am still, my thoughts are frozen, my eyes are dry, I want to know.
“Sit down, we need to talk. She would want this.”
“No, she would want me, she would want us, she would want anything else.”
“Son, she wouldn’t, she didn’t, and she can’t”
“But I got here, I got here for her, I got here in time.”
“No son, you didn’t, you couldn’t, and you shouldn’t.”
I am shaking, my head hurts, I can’t see, I don’t want to know.

The paper folds in half again, forced more than allowed.

It smells clean, everything is white, she is too quiet.
“You have a few minutes, then we will commence.”
I hold her hand, touch her face, I am drained of everything I am.
“It is time, they will both be in a batter place.”
“Both, what do you mean both?”
“She didn’t, she was, she should have told you.”
It smells like sulfur, everything goes red, the world is too loud.

The paper folds in half again, a rip spreads from the center.

I wake up, the room is dark, I am bound.
“Son, you can leave now, be careful you look broken.”
I only hear broken, I feel nothing, I am nothing.
“You did this, by not doing this, it is your fault.”
“I know, I understand, I am sorry.”
I fall asleep, the world is dark, I bind myself.

The paper folds in half for the last time.

Fold it enough and paper will be thicker than then the visible universe.

When it rips, so does everything it contains.